Archive for September, 2010

Gossip: A Terrible Virus

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

At all times and in every situation, I recognize I must treat everyone—whether they are a close friend, acquaintance, or stranger—with the utmost care and respect which includes NO GOSSIP!

Admittedly, gossiping is a large part of everyday life for many people.  For others it’s an occasional bit of fun.  Nevertheless, once it starts it can spread like a deadly virus that produces both good and evil in all of us. When it’s positive, it spreads valuable and useful information. When negative, however, it creates harmful and often irreparable rumors about people and situations, especially among people we care about.

Follow these three simple guidelines to foster and build a healthy work and home environment. Practice them on a daily basis.

1.  If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it! Remember this old saying your grandmother probably told you? This truth transcends time. If the gossip you want to share isn’t complimentary, think twice; even three times, about whether you dare repeat it. Then don’t.

2.  When you have something to say, say it directly. It’s easy to talk about someone when the person is not around. Whenever you get this urge, stop. This act alone will help curtail the gossip virus from spreading. Instead, if it’s something of real concern, arrange a time to approach the person one-on-one to share your views in a sensitive manner.

3.  You are either part of the problem or part of the solution. You are part of the problem when you disagree with a co-worker, or don’t like a management decision and you vent frustrations, anger, and displeasure with other co-workers. This behavior only causes more harm than good. If you must vent, do it with someone uninvolved, such as a spouse, close friend, or mentor. Then when you are calm and collected, talk to the person you disagree with one-on-one with respect and courtesy.

You are part of the solution, however, when you kindly yet firmly excuse yourself when in the middle of a negative, mean-spirited conversation. State you are not interested in being a part of such conversations. When the situation happens during a business meeting, politely ask the person to please refrain from such comments. If the person persists, leave the meeting.

For more on this subject, see the attached link to read a case study, “How to Completely Eliminate Office Gossip (Yeah, right)” by R. Summerhurst and J. Talbott.  The tips section is particularly valuable and provides an excellent overview of how to keep the office gossip virus from being an epidemic in your life.

www.labourrelations.org/FeatureArticles/HowToEliminateOfficeGossip.html

Special Sheet on Gossip: For an additional sheet on this topic, click here so we can send it to you.  (Also at http://www.advancedetiquette.com/gossip/)

FORWARD THIS NEWSLETTER. Pass this article on to anyone you know who may have problems with gossiping.  Invite them to contact me with continued dialogue on this topic. I’d enjoy hearing from them.

QUESTION: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you by locating this article at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.

Happy Practicing!


Workplace Etiquette

Friday, September 17th, 2010

“Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whether you work for a small non-profit organization, a giant multi-national corporation, or something in-between, chances are you spend many hours a day in close proximity to other people. Too often, simple misunderstandings among co-workers lead to workplace tension. On the comics page, Dilbert’s cubicle suffering provides us with a shared laugh. Unfortunately, in the real world these stresses decrease both business productivity and employee job satisfaction. In my classes and lectures people often ask me about workplace etiquette as a solution to employee stress. In the spirit of office harmony I offer you all, the boss, the manager, and the staff members, these simple sensory reminders of how to get along in the workplace.

SOUND

1. Monitor the volume of your conversations. Be sensitive to how loudly you may be speaking. Do you notice that people down the hall comment on your conversations? That might indicate your voice is too loud. Consider closing your office door and lowering your voice whenever speaking directly to a person or on the telephone.

2. Keep personal telephone conversations and emails brief and at a minimum. Be ever mindful that others are nearby and that this is a place of business. Do not use the company telephone, fax, or email, for any inappropriate and personal matters.

3. In some workplaces, privacy is difficult to find. If you overhear a private conversation, practice selective hearing. Avoid the urge to be “helpful” in areas best left to the other person to handle on their own. Your best bet for being treated as a professional at work is to keep all workplace conversations professional.

4. Sharing professional information is wonderful, gossiping is not. Only discuss personnel matters directly with specific individuals, superiors, and management.  NOTE: For an informational sheet on “Gossip” please email us at http://www.advancedetiquette.com/gossip/ and we will send it to you.

SCENT

5. Be sensitive to scents and smells surrounding you. Save cologne and perfume for social occasions and ask if fresh flowers and potpourri bother co-workers before installing them in your space.

6. When eating at your desk or in shared areas, avoid foods with strong smells and aromas that will travel throughout the office. As great as French fries, Chinese food, and Indian food are, smelling them together in the same room and office can become unpleasant. Dispose of empty food containers and other items where they won’t contribute negatively to the office atmosphere.

SIGHT

7. Keep your personal workspace clean and neat at all times. Generally, less is better when it comes to office and cubicle decor. Use discretion when displaying personal items such as family photos and mementos so as not to overdo, clutter, and obstruct your work area.

8. Use shared areas with respect and courtesy. Workplace kitchens can be the biggest source of co-worker tension. If you expect everyone you work with to cleanup after themselves, model that behavior yourself. Wash and return all kitchen items to their proper place, clean spills, and wipe countertops and tables as needed. Help maintain supplies as needed. When leaving food items in a shared refrigerator, mark all items with your name and date. Remove all items at the end of your work week and toss or recycle empty containers.

9. Restrooms run a close second to kitchens as annoyance spots. After use, wipe the countertop and sink of any spilled water or soap. Be sure the toilet is clean for the next user. Notify the proper attendant if supplies are low or out, and of any plumbing problems.

10. Maintain all shared items in “like new” condition and return borrowed supplies. Leave the photocopier in working condition and be sure to take back that borrowed stapler with at least a few staples left inside. If a machine stalls or jams, take time to undo the jam or to alert the proper person to attend to it. We all expect and want to be able to use items and equipment when needed.

QUESTION: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you by locating this article at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.

Happy Practicing!

8 Ways To Stay Sober at Social Events, Part 2

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

One of the worst things a host or guest can do at an event is to drink too much. In addition to my 8 tips, I’ve added the definition of what it means to be a drunk, and how to tell if you or someone you know may be an alcoholic and how to help the person.

1.  Don’t drink if it makes the difference between success and failure. I enjoy drinking alcohol in moderation, so I am not talking about giving it up all together. Rather, practice abstinence when the risk is too high. For example, if you have a major client meeting in the morning, why chance drinking the night before? Or if you have a major presentation to make in the afternoon, why have a drink at lunch?

It’s best to have an overall “no drinking policy” for business lunches. Make an exception for a special celebratory situation where one glass of wine might be allowed

2.  Know your limit.  Maintaining your own self-control is the key to keeping yourself from becoming drunk. The goal is always to keep your blood alcohol content (BAC) below the legal limit and to be able to drive safely, not to mention avoiding embarrassing behavior at events.

One way to learn your own constitution is to keep a drinking diary for at least one to three months, depending on how often you drink.  Write down each time you have a drink, listing when, where, how much you drank, and the results.  Make note of the patterns shown and what you must do to achieve the best results every time you drink, such as:

Date     # of drinks     Type of drinks     Place consumed/type of event     Results

If you drink at home, add the days of the week to the journal, so you can see how often you are drinking at home and the effects.

3.  Eat plenty of food. Eating solid food is the best way to soak up alcohol in your stomach. It slows the rate of alcohol absorption in your body. Throughout the event, snack and munch on what’s available while drinking.  High protein and high fat foods like cheese are especially good at keeping your blood alcohol content low. Avoid items with lots of salt—like salted nuts—as they will dehydrate you.

4.  Keep yourself hydrated.  Alcohol is a dehydrator, so always drink one or two glasses of water, juice or other non‑alcoholic beverages between each alcoholic drink to keep properly hydrated. Add a squeeze of lime or lemon to mimic an alcoholic beverage to stay more social. Drinks that work particularly well are:

— Tomato juice with a squeeze of lime and celery stick
— Lemonade over ice
— Iced tea
— Water with ice cubes
— Club soda with orange juice
— Tonic water with a twist or wedge of lime, and
— Either orange juice or 7‑Up with grenadine.

My favorites are grapefruit juice or plain water with lime, over ice.

5.  Sip your drink slowly.  It’s easy to feel nervous at social events, and you might end up guzzling your drink instead of sipping. Pay attention. Enjoy the taste rather than the effect.

6.  Never drink on an empty stomach.  Make a point to eat before attending any event where alcohol is served. Even at the last minute, while driving to the event, make a pit stop somewhere to get a fast sandwich. That’s better than showing up on an empty stomach, where the alcohol takes effect faster. Upon arrival, make the buffet table your first stop, before having a drink.

7.  Use the one-drink-per-hour guideline:  Especially at business related events, where the focus should be on mingling, meeting and greeting, have only one drink per hour, or a at most two drinks when accompanied with lots of food.

8.  “Just say no.” Learn to say “no” when you don’t want a drink. In most instances you don’t have to take a drink just because it has been offered. If it would be considered impolite to refuse, take the drink, but then quietly and discreetly place it on a table and walk away. Saying “no” becomes easier the more you practice it. Here are a few phrases to keep in mind:

— No thanks, I don’t need or want any more
— Thanks, but I must be alert tomorrow for an early meeting with our biggest client
— Or simply say, “No, thank you.”

If people keep trying to force drinks on you, I would avoid them in the future. Also avoid hanging around people who drink more than you and the places and situations that encourage this kind of behavior.

BONUSES:
1.  MISPERCEPTION AND MYTH: Beware of drinking coffee to help sober up.  A blog posted two years ago by “MackTheKnife” submitted an interesting observation:  “Coffee can make some people feel more awake, but it is a common misconception that giving a drunk person coffee will make them sober.  In fact, coffee is probably one of the worst things that a drunk person can drink. Not only will it make them feel more awake (which might encourage them to do things they shouldn’t – like drive) it will probably make their hangover worse.  Alcohol causes the body to dehydrate, and that contributes to the headache and bad feeling of  a hangover. Coffee is a diuretic (ie it stimulates the body to get rid of liquids) so it should be avoided if you want to keep your hangover to a minimum.”  I also read some place that although you feel alert, your reflex time is still dimished due to the alcohol.  Conclusion:  You truly aren’t in a better position by drinking coffee.  My opinion is to avoid and forget drinking coffee as  a remedy.

2.  DEFINITION OF A DRUNK. When a person is called a drunk it implies the person suffers from alcoholism. It means the person overindulges and becomes inebriated on a regular basis.  Often the person doesn’t even know he or she is a drunk, which also means they have a dependency on alcohol. Be careful when you call someone a drunk.

Do you know someone who drinks too much? Here’s a link for lots of great information. To view the entire article, please see www.alcoholscreening.org. In it you will see:

— Take a quick test to learn if you (or someone you know) drink too much and are at risk of alcoholism.

— Why drink less… Writing down the reasons for drinking less and keeping that list visible at all times

— How to…

  • cut back on drinking
    • Set drinking goals for yourself
    • keep a drinking diary
    • get the support you or your friend needs
    • foretell-tail signs you or a friend has a drinking problem
    • Dos and don’t to helping yourself and a friend
    • Tons of additional resources to get the help you need

    Changing behavior is never easy.  Be understanding and patient. Don’t accept any responsibility or guilt for the behavior of another person. You are responsible only for your own behavior.  Whether you decide to help a friend or for yourself to cut down or to abstain entirely from alcohol, DON’T GIVE UP!

    More resources on alcoholism:

    www.soberforever.net ‑ The Jude Thaddeus Program.

    www.moderation.org ‑ Moderation Management stresses balance, moderation, self‑management, and personal responsibility.

    www.med.umich.edu/drinkwise ‑ Drink Wise is a brief, confidential educational program for people with mild to moderate alcohol problems who want to eliminate the negative consequences of their drinking.

    www.habitsmart.com ‑ Habit Smart promotes the reduction of harmful behaviors and harm through habit change and wise choices.

    www.alcoholics-anonytmous.org (212‑817‑3400 or consult your local telephone directory) ‑ The oldest and best‑known “twelve‑step” program of self‑help for alcoholics.

    www.al-anon.org (888‑4AL‑ANON) ‑ Al‑anon’s purpose is to help families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with a problem drinker. Alateen is the recovery program for young people sponsored by Al‑anon members.

    www.rational.org/recovery (1‑800‑303‑2873) ‑ Established as an alternative to the spiritual nature of AA.

    www.secularhumanism.org/sos (310‑821‑8430) ‑ Secular Organizations For Sobriety (SOS), also known as Save Our Selves.

    http://smartrecovery.org (216‑292‑0220) ‑ Self‑Management and Recovery Training (SMART Recovery).

    www.womenforsobriety.org (1‑800‑333‑1606) ‑ The mutual support groups of Women for Sobriety

    Question of the month: Do you have remedies to staying sober you would like to share or situations that will be helpful to other viewers?  Please let us hear from you.

    Happy practicing!