Archive for October, 2011

Theatre Going Etiquette!

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

In cities across the country, Fall is the season for attending various performing arts. Here are a few guidelines to help make your experience—such as a play, an opera, symphony or ballet—more enjoyable for you and others and to avoid irritating or offending those around you.

BEFORE THE PERFORMANCE:

  1. Dress the part. Going to the theatre is a fun, dress-up affair. Take time before the event to plan and choose what you will wear. In most cases, it is not appropriate to show up wearing the style clothes better associated with a back yard barbecue. Avoid wearing jewelry such as earrings, bangles, or beads that make noise when you move. Go light on perfumes that may cause discomfort for others. Remove hats, especially and including baseball caps, when in the theatre. For men it is most inappropriate to wear any hat indoors, and for women it is not recommended, as it may obstruct the view of others in the audience.
  2. Know the score. Especially for musical events, if you are unfamiliar with what is being performed, do as much homework as possible before the show to best understand the nuances of the event. Check out recordings at the library or go on-line to sites such as www.metopera.org/synopses or www.classical.net to read about the story, author, composer, and music. Many performances include notes and a show synopsis in the program.
  3. Arrive on time. It may be considered fashionable to arrive a few minutes late to a party, but this is not true for the theatre. Confirm the start time of the performance and plan accordingly. It is best to arrive early, so that you have time to find your seat, relax, and read the program notes and show synopsis. There is no standard that performances begin at 8:00 p.m. and are punctuated by intermissions. Latecomers are often requested to remain in the back of the hall or outside in the lobby or a viewing room, until the end of the first act or movement. For performances without an intermission, you could be completely shut out if you arrive late.
  4. Eat lightly. It is best to eat and drink in moderation before a performance. A large meal may make you sleepy. Your elegant evening may be destroyed if your companion has to nudge you awake when you nod your head or start to snore! Choose another time to eat lots of garlic, onions, chili peppers, beans, and other odorous foods. Keep in mind that you will be sitting with a large group of people for several hours. There is nothing worse than smelling the person near you all evening.

DURING THE PERFORMANCE:

  1. Be still. Please sit still and be quiet throughout the performance. Refrain from fidgeting, moving your head and body around, rustling papers, tapping your feet or hands, humming along, or carrying on conversations—even in a whisper. To keep from coughing, be prepared with a cough drop. Carry your drops or candy at the top of your purse or pocket with the wrapper loosened ahead of time, to keep the noise of undoing the cover to a minimum.
  2. Lose the electronics. Above all, make sure your cell phone and other electronic devices are turned off during the entire performance. If you absolutely must hear from someone, keep the device on the vibrate mode and fully leave the theatre to answer the call.
  3. Stay in your space. Be sure to sit up straight in your seat. Do not lean forward in your chair, especially when seated in an upper level row. You may be unaware that this terribly obstructs the view of those behind you. Choose one armrest to use, not both. Keep your elbows, knees, and feet within your designated space.
  4. Savor the performance. Do not read your program—or anything else—during the performance, especially using a penlight. Instead, read the program ahead of time or during the intermission.
  5. Be appreciative. Applause and cheers are an integral part of the performance. It is the true reward for the performers. However, be sensitive about when it is appropriate to applaud at a performance. Generally speaking,
    DO applaud …
    — the conductor as he or she first arrives on stage.
    — at the end of each act in an opera or play.
    — after the last movement in a musical piece.
    — as loudly as you desire at the conclusion of the entire performance.
    DO NOT applaud …
    — the star performer as he or she first enters the stage.
    — between movements in a musical piece.
    — after each aria or song a performer sings.
    — when you first view a new set on stage.

AFTER THE PERFORMANCE:

  1. Enjoy the finale. Do not make a mad dash for the door the moment the curtain falls or the last note is played. It is very rude to ask folks to let you out while they are showing the performers their appreciation with applause and cheering. Plus, if you leave right away, you may miss an exciting encore. Let people closer to the aisles depart first.

BONUS TIP: One of the most telling signs of a theatre-savvy person is how they cheer a performer. When cheering a woman performer, the proper term is BRAVA!
When cheering only a man performer, the proper term is BRAVO!
When cheering both men and women performers, the word to say is BRAVI! (Pronounced “bra vay”)

Happy Practicing!

Responding to Event Invitations

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

This month I am continuing a theme first introduced a few months back about pet peeves. I just have to discuss an epidemic that is driving me crazy! It’s about how people do not respond to invitations and still show up, or do say they’re coming but are no-shows. This kind of behavior is simply not respectful or considerate of the hosts.

This issue came to a boil for me last month, when I was a speaker at two professional organizations’ events. The organizers gave me an initial guest count, but only about half that number actually attended.

What gets me most is the lack of concern these no-shows showed for others. In both cases, there was lots of leftover food and drink. Plus I had prepared personalized materials that became trash after the night was over. Sure, I could have produced generic materials to recycle at another presentation. Yet there is something special when a speaker makes the effort to personalize materials, don’t you think?

With the heavy fall and holiday party season nearly upon us, here are a few guidelines I hope will become a habit whenever responding to any invitation:

How soon should I respond to an invitation?
Always respond within a week of receiving the invitation. Certainly respond no later than the due date stated on the invitation or reply card.

After accepting an invitation, what if something comes up at the last minute and I can’t attend?

Never be a no-show. If it’s unavoidable, call—even at the last minute—and leave a message on voicemail, email, or text. Then call the next day to apologize to the organizer directly, and even in some cases send a personal email note (or by regular mail is best for social invitations), expressing your regret for not attending.

What if I did not respond to an invitation, but realize I want to attend at the last minute?
Never show up to a party or event unannounced. Contact the organizers by both email and telephone, saying, “I know I didn’t respond by the due date. I wasn’t sure until now I could attend. By chance is there still space available?” This way the host is free to invite you, or to tell you they are at capacity and cannot accept your reservation. This avoids wasting your time and energy going to the event, only to be turned away, or appearing as though you were a party crasher. Further, it can be most embarrassing to be seen by friends who are attending, only to have to leave.

 

I responded to an event where I said I would pay at the door, but then I decided not to attend.  Do I still have to pay?
Remember, when withdrawing your attendance at the last minute (generally within a week and certainly within 72 hours of the event date), you are still responsible for your remittance, except perhaps…

a) If you call the host and leave a message about your situation, and he or she does not return your call;
Or
b) The host returns your call and lets you off the hook.

In a third scenario, someone may call you to say they do indeed expect your remittance. Given this, agree to send in your money. That’s etiquette!

Do I have to reply to invitations that ask for money to attend?
It is not necessary to respond to public invitations requiring you to pay money to attend. That said, when someone you know on the event committee attaches a personal note, it is a nice courtesy to respond with an email when you are unable to attend. It not only shows you care, but it also serves to stay in touch with that person.

For your amusement: I recently read an article about R.S.V.P.s, where the author Rand Richards Cooper had this to say… “Left over from a time when graciousness couched demands as requests, the R.S.V.P. no longer functions. I therefore propose an update, something still French but a bit more … frank — the R.V.O.M.: Répondez Vite — ou Mourez!  For those friends of mine who plead a lack of high school French, allow me to translate. Respond Quickly, or Die!

Happy Practicing!