Archive for the ‘Everyday Life’ Category

Keeping Promises is Good Etiquette

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

WhoCares!(Flop)Have you ever borrowed an item and never returned it? Have you promised to send a potential client or friend something, and never followed through? Have you said you’d call someone to invite him or her to lunch, but you never do it?

Worst of all, have you ever borrowed money or promised to pay someone a referral fee and never paid the money?

In a recent seminar I attended, a discussion broke out where nearly everyone had experienced some sort of unfulfilled promise. They all agreed it was a terrible situation happening among not only adults, even youths and teens were equally affected.

When I thought about this more deeply, I realized that both parties in these situations lose. The people who did not receive what was promised have sore feelings that will be forever remembered. These could lead to built-up negative feelings about the other person to the point where people vent through gossip, orally and even on social media.

For the people who did not fulfill their promise, their respect, reputation and level of integrity are diminished, if not lost. The longer the situation stays unresolved, the more possible that it can develop into loss of friendships and job promotions. Worst of all, the people can become the subject of malicious and exaggerated comments over time.

I’m bringing up this subject as a reminder to us all: We must make every effort to always fulfill our promises—small and large—and to only promise something when we truly intend to follow through.

Beginning this weekend, think about your unfulfilled promises:

  • Make a list of all items you have ever borrowed. Locate them and return them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had the item for years…better late than never in returning it.
  • Do the same thing for the overdue sending of information, the money once borrowed, and the like. Get it together and do the right thing by getting that info and paying the person back.

Of course, when fulfilling the promise, enclose a nice handwritten note of apology for the delay and, in some instances, enclose a nice gift of appreciation.

Every fulfilled promise builds respect, integrity and reputation and shows others how trustworthy and honorable a person you are with the highest levels of integrity.  Conversely, every unfilled promised equally adds to poor impressions and ultimately loss of friendships and business. Forever true in this digital age, the world—in an instant—knows all that is good and bad. We see all the highest praises and the greatest criticisms.

Actually, I rather like social media when it comes to business practices, as it is helping to build better businesses through comments shared on intolerance of poor behavior and lack of service. For anyone who serves customer and clients, now you see how extra crucial it is that all promises are kept and fulfilled. This is a major pet peeve most customers have of service providers.

And moving forward, pledge to never make new promises you know you’re not going to fulfill and keep and fulfill those you do make.

Question:  What stories do you have to share about people you know who have not fulfilled their promise(s) to you?  Here’s your chance to vent… no real names, please.  Just share the story with perhaps fictitious names in the area below.

Happy Practicing!

Saying “I’m Sorry” and Meaning It!

Tuesday, September 4th, 2012

Do you know people who say, “I’m sorry,” yet continue the same offense over and over? A woman recently shared how much she disliked a friend who always apologizes for being late. Yet the friend continues being late for every occasion. Finally, she has given up on the person ever being a closer friend.

When you say you are sorry, you are supposed to mean it and make a conscious effort not to do it again. Over-using these words for every trivial situation — and especially for the same offense — diminishes its effectiveness, resolves nothing, and does not instill confidence toward rebuilding a relationship. Actually, it leaves the relationship with added frustrations.

“Love Story” author Eric Segal wrote the famous line, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” But this is not correct thinking. I loved my Dad (who passed away in 2007), but I never heard him say, “I’m sorry” for anything. He would ignore the situation through a number of silent tactics. It would have been nice to hear him say, “I’m sorry” when it was called for.

Instead, I gravitate towards the words of Ella Wheeler Wilcox:

“There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.”

So why is it that some people have such a difficult time apologizing? In seeking the answer, I found a great article by Brett & Kate McKay, titled: “How to Apologize Like A Man.”*   This article describes how difficult it is for men to say these two simple words, why men don’t apologize, when to and when not to apologize, and how to apologize. It’s an interesting perspective that applies to women as well.

When saying, “I’m sorry,” here are five simple guidelines to follow:

1.  Accept ownership and responsibility for your actions by admitting the mistake as soon as possible. Do not wait too long, as it will lose its impact.

2. Show sincere regret for what you have done by saying, “I’m sorry for…” or I apologize for… ”.

3. Explain why it was wrong to have done what you did, and how you see the damage and harm it has caused the relationship.

4. Ask the person to forgive you by saying, “Please forgive me.”

5. Finally, pledge you will do all you can to have this not happen again.

Apologies are meant to resolve the situation and rebuild a relationship. By practicing these simple steps, you are on the right path to retaining lifelong friendships.

Question: This tip came about as a result of polling people about their civility pet peeves. Several people submitted how they couldn’t stand people who constantly said, “I’m sorry” and apparently didn’t mean it, which prompted me to write this article. If you have civility pet peeves to add to my list, please share them. I’d enjoy writing about them.

*For those unable to use the link above, the article is also at: http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/23/how-to-apologize-like-a-man/?utm_source=Daily+Subscribers&utm_campaign=79c71fefd4-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email/.

Happy Practicing!

The Etiquette of Knowing a Person Behind Their Job

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Photo provided by Global Adjustments

“We tend to refer to people by the jobs they do rather than their names. This can be disrespectful, especially lower down the professional order.”

This article was inspired by my dear friend and colleague Ranjini Manian, founder of Global Adjustments, in India.

Ranjini’s article tells about an intern named Max who when asked to run an errand to deliver an important letter, Ranjini realized a great lesson…

Ranjini: “Yes, please, Max, do that. My driver will take you there, and you can try to speak to the Executive Assistant,” I added helpfully.

“Your driver?” said Max, stopping in his tracks. “You mean Rajan?… He is a person.”

Ranjini:  “Yes, of course, you’re right, Rajan will take you,” I said hastily. And it made me think of the disconnect between what we profess and what we do in India.

We profess to have unity in diversity.
We profess to see oneness in all.
We profess to speak with respect.

Yet, every now and then, we are apt to forget the person and simply look at the job he or she is doing.

For the longest time I had been battling to establish the identity of the garbage collector who comes to my home on his rounds in the neighbourhood. People would say to each other at home, “Kupai-karan is here” which translates as “garbage man” or “kachada-wallah”. I would think, this man has a name given to him by his parents which defines him and is something he is proud of. Calling him by his name rather than referring to the “duty” he does would be respectful of his sensitivities. We found out he was called Ravi, and referred to him by name in due course.

But while talking to Max, I realised to my discomfiture that I had fallen into the trap of referring to a person by his “job description” rather than his actual name.”

Ranjini continues on to describe how Americans often address people by Sir, Madam, or Ma’am as a sign of respect.  We also use titles such as Mr. Ms, Mrs., Doctor or Boss in the same way.  Yet at times we also use titles and words “to reduce a person to a role that is perceived as being of a lower order,” Ranjini states.  This is so true, especially when calling someone using words such as, “Boy” or Waiter in a demeaning way.

“Guard, I am expecting a visitor, please let the car in”; “Watchman, where can I park?” — such references are common in, say, a big apartment complex where such jobs are usually manned by a shifting population of employees and we don’t take the time to find out their names.

Let’s remember this as we go around in our hi-tech cities, software parks, amazing airports and malls, and come face-to-face with the people who clean the restrooms, the people who serve the coffee, the personnel directing traffic in the car parks, and the many ‘nameless’ others who keep the system running on well-oiled wheels.

When we address a person by his or her given name, we’re affirming her identity. And when we take the trouble to get the pronunciation and spelling correct, as well as any honorific that may go with the name, we’re offering due respect to the individual. Not to do so is unforgivable, because we’re showing we don’t value the person’s individuality and identity.

So, whether we’re referring to the famous few or the many men-in-the street, let’s remember that no one is faceless or nameless. Each of us is an individual, unique and special, irrespective of our status in the social pecking order. We each come with a bit of the divine in us!

Max gave me a timely reminder, and hey, I recommit to living in awareness of this good habit. What about you, new managers?”

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This article was first seen in both The Hindu Business Line and also published in the Global Adjustment’s blog where you can view the full original article.

Copyright 2011.  Article excerpts were printed with permission from Ranjini Manian and Global Adjustments to Syndi Seid and Advanced Etiquette.  All rights reserved.
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CONCLUSION: May this message be a reminder to us all… it sure was to me.    It isn’t enough to remember a person’s job, title or role, but to also know who they are as a person by name.  This is truly the “key to success” in achieving a great quality of life.

As much as I love people saying, “Oh, yes, she’s that etiquette lady,” I love it best when they also know my name, Syndi Seid… even when they may mispronounce it… at least they’re getting there!

Happy Practicing!

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Golf Etiquette

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Calling all golfers and aspiring golfers!

In keeping with my pledge to offer you only the “best of the best” …

Click on the link here or below to receive an audio interview I did with my good friend and colleague, Suzanne Woo—at absolutely no charge whatsoever!

Suzanne Woo is a speaker, business golf coach, and author of On Course for Business (published by John Wiley & Sons) which is the definitive book on how to use golf to deepen relationships and increase sales.

If you already play golf or have thought about using golf to increase your personal, professional and financial abundance, you’ll want to listen to our interview. We talk about proper etiquette on and off-the-course with your clients and prospects. To access our interview, click onto the special site below:

SuzWoo'sLogo-72ppi-11in.jpg

and at:  www.golftothegreen.com/advancedetiquette

As an extra gift from Suzanne, she was also featured in four short videos for bnet.com, covering topics such as etiquette, playing golf for business, changing your game when playing with clients and prospects, and the personality information you can learn about your playing partners.  You’ll get these videos as well when you register for our interview… such a deal!

So don’t be left out of the business action that happens on the golf course.  Start learning now by entering your name at www.golftothegreen.com/advancedetiquette to receive not only our interview, but also Suzanne’s four videos to improve your business golf game.

Last, please forward this offer on to anyone you know who plays golf.  They’ll thank you for thinking of them and for helping them improve their game.

Enjoy!

P.S. For primarily International Subscribers: We know at times various sites are not easily accessible outside the U.S.  We’d really appreciate hearing from you if this happens to you that the links we send don’t work where you are.  Unless we hear from you, we will have no idea anything needs fixing.  Thank you in advance for your help whenever you aren’t able to view what we send.