Archive for the ‘Life’ Category
Monday, May 20th, 2013
 June is the most popular month for weddings in the U. S. Each year I receive dozens of inquiries and comments on wedding etiquette, including horror stories. Here are my top eight tips to always be the perfect wedding guest.
1. Respond to the Invitation: The number one complaint I hear is how guests do not bother to RSVP. Respond within a week, or certainly by the due date. Do not assume folks know you are coming just because you mentioned it at a party. Always call the hosts as soon as your situation changes. If you said you could come and can’t, call them—even at the last minute. In most cases it costs money to cover no-shows, so never let this happen. It is a complaint I hear all the time. Conversely, if you declined and find you can come, say so immediately—instead of becoming an unexpected guest. For more, see ”The Lost Art of RSVPs”
2. On bringing additional guests: Pay close attention to exactly how the invitation is addressed and worded. If you see only your name, it is not appropriate to bring additional family members or guests. No exceptions! If it includes other names, such as “and family” or “and guest,” list all names on the response card. “And guest” means you may bring one person. Never show up with more guests than originally listed on the invitation and your response.
3. A wedding gift: Send a gift ahead of time or bring it on the day of the wedding. Feel free to ask if gift registries were established to help you choose an appropriate gift. If you do not plan to attend, it is not necessary to give a gift. However, it is considered a nice gesture. Traditionally, you have up to one year to send the gift. Today, I recommend you do it within six months.
4. What to wear: Proper attire never includes blue jeans, casual clothing or sports attire. This is a time to dress up in honor of the occasion. Choose clothing that will not overshadow the wedding party, such as wearing white (or red in certain cultures). A coat and tie is best for men. Women should wear a day or evening suit or a dress. If the invitation states black-tie or other specific attire, men must wear a tuxedo or dinner jacket. Women’s attire for black-tie events generally means wearing a full-length dress or pants suit, or an outfit that will be appropriate to the time of day and location.
5. Getting to the wedding: Guests provide their own transportation and lodging. You may inquire about nearby hotels, when unfamiliar with the area. Relatives and close friends should not expect to have travel expenses paid.
6. Arriving at the wedding and seating: Arrive 10 to 15 minutes before, or on time at the very least. If the bride is already walking down the aisle, wait outside until the ceremony begins. If you arrive after the ceremony starts, walk to an outside aisle and take a seat quickly and quietly. Traditionally, the bride’s side is the left and the groom’s to the right. Jewish weddings are the opposite. Today there is less concern about where guests sit.
7. During the wedding: You do not have to participate in any religious rituals conducted during the ceremony. Being a respectful observer is all that is expected. If you did not RSVP to attend portions of the wedding, such as the wedding banquet, do not expect to be allowed in at the last minute.
8. When not attending: Even when you are unable to attend, you must respond to the invitation! Regarding sending a gift, see #3 above.
If you have questions about or comments to share on this topic, please send them to me. I’d enjoy hearing from you or post a comment on my blog.
Happy Practicing!
Tags: attending weddings, wedding etiquette, wedding guests
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Friday, March 1st, 2013
 Each year as spring approaches, I gear up for “spring cleaning.” In addition to physically cleaning my house and office, I also think about cleaning up my actions and behaviors. To help get you started on developing new good habits on etiquette today so by summer you will have changed how you do things and act toward others forever, here are a few tips to follow:
“Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your DESTINY.”
—Author Unknown
1. Start today. Studies have shown that you must practice new skills for 21 days to develop a new pattern. It will take about 100 days for a new pattern to become an automatic habit.
2. Choose your changes. Pick two or three etiquette adjustments you want to master during this Spring Cleaning period. If you need ideas, review the past “Etiquette Tip of the Month” articles sent over these past two years or dedicate some time to read one of the hundreds of self-help, personal, or professional development books you’ve collected for years. Make a decision to change an action or behavior, establish a new way of performing a task, or complete something you’ve always meant to do but never quite put into practice.
3. Make a list. Writing down your Spring Cleaning goals will reinforce your decision. Find creative ways to remind yourself of what you’ve pledged to work on for the next three months: Keep the list visible on your desk, on the refrigerator, or on your bulletin board as a constant guide. Write your goals on sticky notes and place the notes on your April and May calendars. Code your computer calendar to remind you of your Spring Cleaning commitments on various days for the next 12 weeks.
4. Do it. Once you’ve identified your Spring Cleaning goals, put new skills into action immediately in order to better your chances of making a permanent change in your behavior. Studies indicate that 66% of a message is forgotten in 24 hours and that it takes 8 days of constant reminding for 99% of a message to be retained in 30 days
5. Think positively. It is easy to slip away from new habits. As Sir Walter Scott said so accurately, “Success or failure is caused more by mental attitude than by mental capacity.” So, please consider this:
“Change your attitude!
When you change your attitude, You change your behavior
When you change your behavior, You change your performance
When you change your performance, You change your life!”
—By Walter Doyle Staples in Performance: Your Guide to Personal & Professional Excellence
6. Make a new model. We all need to eliminate trash lying around. Whether your goal is better managing physical paperwork or wiping out mental “head trash,” Spring Cleaning will clear a path to success. Every etiquette adjustment you make will have a positive impact on your life.
The art of changing yourself requires the substituting of new habits for old. You mold your character and your future by your thoughts and acts. You cannot climb uphill by thinking downhill thoughts. You must change your mind to change your world. Make yourself do what needs to be done. Man alone, of all the creatures of the earth, is the architect of his destiny.
—By Wilferd A. Peterson in The Art of Living
Question: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you in the area below. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy Spring Cleaning!
Tags: actions speak louder than words, clean up your act, spring clean behavior
Posted in Life | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, January 1st, 2013
 I love collecting quotes. They motivate me to think about my life and goals, and keep me going over time. These are among my favorites:
1. “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams” and “Happiness is not a goal… it’s a by-product of a life well lived.” – Eleanor Roosevelt, American First Lady
I dream of a life where everyone strives to be kind, considerate, and respectful to others, and in so doing creates general well-being and happiness for all. Please join me in a conscious and deliberate effort to live a better life, beginning in 2013.
2. “Decision is the spark that ignites action. Until a decision is made, nothing happens…. Decision is the courageous facing of issues, knowing that if they are not faced, problems will remain forever unanswered.” — Wilfred A. Peterson, American Author
Each year I strive to be a better person, to admit and face that I am not always the nicest, kindest, considerate, or respectful person I could and should be. Join me in taking the P.L.E.D.G.E. to be among “People Leading Everyone to Do Good Everywhere.” We may not be able to change the world, but through our individual efforts we can achieve a better life.
3. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou, American Writer
Ain’t this the truth! We know it, yet often disregard this, especially with those we care about the most, our closest family members, friends, and co-workers.
4. “Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” – Karen Kaiser Clark, American motivational speaker.
With each day that passes change is inevitable. Whether choosing to grow with each day, or not, is the key to true happiness.
5. “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German Writer
Right on… we must do! In the New Year, I do this exercise, and suggest you do the same: Take out a piece of paper and make three vertical columns. In the first column, jot down the names of at least three people with whom you want to build a better relationship in 2013. In the second column, admit in your writing how you may not have been as kind, considerate, or respectful to this person in times past; and in the third column, list how you plan to improve the relationship by doing things differently. (If you want any some coaching on how to handle certain situations, please write me. I’d be happy to see how I can be of some help.)
6. “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.” –Vince Lombardi, American football coach
Be brave and courageous by having the will to take action. Mentally you know it will do you some good. So what’s stopping you? Just do it! Take that piece of paper out and do the exercise shown in #5 and I promise you will have completed the most important step in having a better life this year.
7. “Motivation is what gets you going. Habit is what keeps you going.” –John Wooden, American College (UCLA) Coach in 2013
What motivates me is the dream of living a good life, coupled with the desire to be free of guilt, frustration, fear, and other anxieties that hold me back from living a happy life. I accept the challenge of having to constantly work on building good habits as the best path to achieving my goals and dreams.
8. “I am where I am because I believe in all possibilities.” –Whoopi Goldberg, American Actress
Although similar in scope to the first quote, I love it primarily because it comes from Whoopie Goldberg… and actor I admire. This simple quote gives me strength in every way. It is important to believe whatever you want is possible and once you set your mind and heart to doing whatever it takes to achieve that success.
Change is hard, especially when building better relationships. I hope this newsletter has given you new inspiration to move forward with positivity and purpose in 2013.
EMAIL ME: If you would like a nicely formatted sheet of these quotes, email me and I’ll send it to you, with pleasure. And if you have a favorite quote that applies to etiquette, please comment below. I’d love to hear from you.
Tags: etiquette quotes, inspirational etiquette quotes, quotes on etiquette
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Tuesday, December 4th, 2012
 Gift giving should come from the heart, not out of a sense of obligation. Giving a gift—whether money or an object —is how we express how we care about someone in a special and extra way. Below I’ll discuss how to navigate the thorny waters of gift giving; whether to give a personal gift, gift cards, checks or cash; whom to give gifts to: and whether to send holiday cards.
Give a Gift or Cash?
When you take the time and effort to give a nicely wrapped gift especially chosen for someone, it’s an exceptional delight. It shows you know their likes and preferences. To me, it’s the ultimate way of thanking someone and showing how much you care about them. No gift card or money can ever express the same emotions.
So how do you get to know what to give? During conversations throughout the year, ask leading questions such as, “Do you like certain kinds of wine?” “What do you like to do to relax?” “Do you enjoy reading?” “What kind of books?” These questions will give you the clues you need to select the right gifts. Those who receive such personalized gifts from you will be most surprised to see how you remembered and acted upon the knowledge you learned.
When it comes to cash-like gifts, I prefer a check or gift card, such as a Visa/MC card or a store card I know the person will like. When people take the extra step of redeeming the card or cashing a check, they will remember you as the gift-giver. I like it better than just giving cash that might be lumped in with other funds and spent without thought. I want the person to use the funds to purchase something they would not otherwise buy for themselves.
Here are two good links on holiday tipping guidelines, if you wish to give people cash:
http://www.gifts.com/christmas/holiday-tipping-guide.html
http://www.brickunderground.com/blog/2012/11/brickundergrounds_2012_holiday_tipping_guide
Keep in mind that it’s not about the money, how much money, or the amount spent on a gift. You could give homemade fruitcake, cookies, or jams. It’s all about a combination of what you can afford and the intention behind what you give.
Whom to Gift?
One of the biggest dilemmas people face this time of year is whether to tip or give a gift to someone who has provided year-round services, or people at the office. While this list can seem overwhelming, keep in mind that I list everyone you might consider gifting, and not everyone is a requirement:
1. Year-Round Service Providers
- Apartment / Condo Building staff (such as the Superintendent, Doorman, Engineers, and Housekeeping)
- Pet Care, Dog Walker
- Private physician, dentist when engaged year-round
- Home Caregiver, Nurse
- Trash Collector
- House staff (Housekeeper, Babysitter, Nanny, Landscape / lawnmower, Gardener, Pool keeper, etc.)
- Child or Elderly Day Care facility and staff
- Home delivery person (such as newspaper, mail, trash, and bottled water)
- Personal Coach/Trainer/Activity Instructor
- Beautician, Hairdresser, Stylist, Manicurist, Massage Therapist
- Private Club servers
2. Office staff and Service Providers
- Boss / Supervisor / Manager
- Assistant
- Employees and Staff
- Delivery people such as Postal, UPS, FedEx, and coffee/water
- Vendors and Suppliers
- Gifting Clients and Customers
A holiday card with a personalized message is always nice to send. Annual desk or wall calendars are also very common.
Depending on budget and the number of corporate gifts you wish to send, there are an infinite number of ideas a company can implement to show someone they care. The key is to give a gift you know the receiver will value and enjoy. If you want help with this, email me for other corporate gift-giving guidelines.
A Word About Holiday Cards
Even with the advent of email and a desire to go green, I still believe in the power of a holiday card as a gift unto itself, especially to those you may not see during the regular year and who may live far away. When a person receives a holiday card, the value is more highly regarded than in times past.
A generic card with only a pre-printed name or company name on it, however, does not make a statement that you care. Personalize it with a handwritten note or letter, and hand address the envelope. Use a regular postage stamp… not a metered stamp.
Lastly, as much as you may be among those who “can’t stand” receiving those pages of tiny print typed holiday letters that chronicle a friend’s entire year’s activities and other news, it is another way to stay in touch with that person over time. Gather up these letters on a Sunday morning with a warm blanket and a warm cup of tea or coffee (or maybe a bloody Mary?) and enjoy reading them to stay in touch. Friendships are maintained when you stay involved in each other’s lives, no matter the distance across the globe.
An Old-Fashioned Way to Stay in Touch
And speaking of staying in touch, if you’re not the holiday card-sending type, another nice gift to people, whether friends or in business, is to give them a call. With Skype and other free calling methods for anywhere in the world, this is fast becoming the most economical and personal way to stay in touch with family, friends, and business clients and associates.
Here’s wishing you and yours a great holiday season, wherever you may be and whenever you celebrate it!
Happy Practicing!
Tags: cash gifts, gift cards, gift etiquette, gift-giving, giving gifts, holiday gift-giving
Posted in Life | 2 Comments »
Thursday, November 1st, 2012
Isn’t it the worst luck to catch a cold or flu just when a great party takes place? I know I hate missing parties. What about not being able to miss work after being away for summer vacation, so you go in anyway and risk being criticized for spreading germs. Or, if you don’t have a cold yourself, how do you keep from catching someone else’s germs and catching one?
Here’s how to get through a busy cold and flu season without infecting everyone else and how to keep the bugs at bay when people around you are infected:
1. Cough and sneeze in your arm or sleeve: It’s the best way to avoid spreading germs. If you haven’t broken the habit of coughing or sneezing into your hands, do it immediately! Your hands are the number one way of spreading germs everywhere.
2. Wash your hands as often as possible: We all hear this over and over again, yet how many of us truly take this to heart and do it? We must!
If you have access to a nearby washroom, wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water for a recommended 10 to 15 seconds several times a day.
When on the street, on a bus, cab, or at a party, keep your hands free from germs by using an alcohol-based sanitizer. Most brands, such as Purell now come in miniature bottles and sheet-packets, making them easy to carry in your wallet, purse, pocket, and even on the airplane.
I keep bottles of hand sanitizers throughout my home, at my desk, in the car, and in my purse at all times. You may want to do the same.
3. Wipe all items you and others handle. Use sanitizing wipes to clean those items you and others touch regularly. That includes telephone receivers and doorknobs in your home and office, plus the stapler, computer keyboard and screen, copy machine, and steering wheel of your car.
4. Brush your teeth and use mouthwash before leaving the house. Since childhood, most of us have built the habit of visiting the bathroom before going out. Take an extra minute to brush your teeth and use mouthwash. It will freshen your breath and keep germs from spreading.
5. Carry tissues at all times. You never know when they may come in handy or be necessary. You don’t want to look around for one desperately at the most inopportune times!
6. Wear a nose and mouth mask: More often we see construction workers wearing face-masks to keep from being breathing in dust and other harmful particles. In many parts of the world this same kind of mask is worn by many at work or on the street to keep germs to themselves. Although we may think this extreme or embarrassing, it is a most considerate gesture.
7. Use a cold remedy: I’m not a person who likes to take pills of any kind. However, when I must attend a meeting or event where I don’t want to be sneezing and coughing in front of others, I will take a non-prescription cold remedy. This will not only mask the symptoms of the cold to make me feel better, but it will also help everyone around me be more at ease.
8. What to do: Now that you’ve gained a few insights on germ prevention, I suspect you now know how to answer these two questions I get asked most often throughout the year:
“What should I do when I have to shake the hand of a person I just saw sneezing into their hand?”
“If I have a cold while attending a party, should I tell people I don’t want to shake their hand out of courtesy, so as not to spread my germs?”
In both instances you MUST shake the person’s hand. In the first scenario, you may want to make a mad dash to “discreetly” wash your hands before doing anything else. In the second scenario, say nothing, but keep your hands clean and take all the precautions described above by washing often and using sanitizing wipes or liquid regularly.
Happy (and sanitary) Practicing!
Tags: flu season, Germ etiquette, germs, How not to spread germs
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Tuesday, September 4th, 2012
 Do you know people who say, “I’m sorry,” yet continue the same offense over and over? A woman recently shared how much she disliked a friend who always apologizes for being late. Yet the friend continues being late for every occasion. Finally, she has given up on the person ever being a closer friend.
When you say you are sorry, you are supposed to mean it and make a conscious effort not to do it again. Over-using these words for every trivial situation — and especially for the same offense — diminishes its effectiveness, resolves nothing, and does not instill confidence toward rebuilding a relationship. Actually, it leaves the relationship with added frustrations.
“Love Story” author Eric Segal wrote the famous line, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” But this is not correct thinking. I loved my Dad (who passed away in 2007), but I never heard him say, “I’m sorry” for anything. He would ignore the situation through a number of silent tactics. It would have been nice to hear him say, “I’m sorry” when it was called for.
Instead, I gravitate towards the words of Ella Wheeler Wilcox:
“There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.”
So why is it that some people have such a difficult time apologizing? In seeking the answer, I found a great article by Brett & Kate McKay, titled: “How to Apologize Like A Man.”* This article describes how difficult it is for men to say these two simple words, why men don’t apologize, when to and when not to apologize, and how to apologize. It’s an interesting perspective that applies to women as well.
When saying, “I’m sorry,” here are five simple guidelines to follow:
1. Accept ownership and responsibility for your actions by admitting the mistake as soon as possible. Do not wait too long, as it will lose its impact.
2. Show sincere regret for what you have done by saying, “I’m sorry for…” or I apologize for… ”.
3. Explain why it was wrong to have done what you did, and how you see the damage and harm it has caused the relationship.
4. Ask the person to forgive you by saying, “Please forgive me.”
5. Finally, pledge you will do all you can to have this not happen again.
Apologies are meant to resolve the situation and rebuild a relationship. By practicing these simple steps, you are on the right path to retaining lifelong friendships.
Question: This tip came about as a result of polling people about their civility pet peeves. Several people submitted how they couldn’t stand people who constantly said, “I’m sorry” and apparently didn’t mean it, which prompted me to write this article. If you have civility pet peeves to add to my list, please share them. I’d enjoy writing about them.
*For those unable to use the link above, the article is also at: http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/23/how-to-apologize-like-a-man/?utm_source=Daily+Subscribers&utm_campaign=79c71fefd4-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email/.
Happy Practicing!
Posted in Business, Communications, Everyday Life, Life | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 20th, 2012
Wherever you may be in the world summer months typically conjure up thoughts about being at the beach. To this end, here are a few tips to help you and yours to have a most enjoyable experience at the beach. 
1. Allow a minimum of five feet between groups. Take time to consider where and how you set up your space. Spot your larger groups as far away from other people as possible. When bringing half your house to the beach—from boom-box to boogie boards to beach chairs—make every effort to consolidate your items in a small area that will not take valuable beach real estate from others.
2. Let everyone enjoy the view. Part of the pleasure of going to the beach is relishing the water vista. Be sensitive not to place your umbrella and other high items directly in front of other people’s sight line.
3. Monitor noise levels: Especially in large groups, continually be aware of how loud your party is getting. Many people go to the beach to rest and relax in peace and quiet. While you’ll want to be cordial, give your neighbors their space: some people may not wish to talk to anyone, only enjoying the sun and a good book.
4. Supervise children: While an expanse of beach is an inviting space for free play, both waves and dunes can be dangerous. Unsupervised children can get lost in the crowd or may annoy your beach neighbors by kicking sand or being disruptive. Instead of depending completely on free play, bring plenty for children to do—and join in the fun—building sand castles, creating art from found objects, searching for the most unusual or beautiful seashell, or reading to them the latest children’s best-seller.
5. Play responsibly. Both adults and children need to be careful when playing catch not to toss a ball or a Frisbee into someone else’s area. When setting up for badminton, volleyball, or other games, keep the outer boundaries as far away from other people as possible.
6. Keep it clean. Secure all items from blowing away in the wind. When items do blow away, go after them, otherwise, the item becomes litter and will pollute the beach. Keep all your belongings as close to your blanket as possible.
7. And your language, too. Refrain from using any form of foul language. Conversations should be quiet and controlled. You never know who may find your words offensive.
8. Be mindful of how you behave in the water. Look out for others in the water before you engage in vigorous splashing, dunking, yelling to friends who are several yards away, and other horseplay. Maintain control of boogie boards and other water toys so that everyone has a fun and safe day in the sun.
9. Sunbathe with discretion. Topless and nude sunbathing is not customary in the United States. Instead, there are designated beaches—and areas of beaches—where this is allowed. Otherwise, nudity is not only inappropriate, but may be against the law.
Take only good memories…leave only footprints. Be sure to pick up all of your belongings. When shaking out your blanket and other items, take note of which way the wind is blowing and make every effort to prevent sand from blowing into other people’s eyes and space and leaving them annoyed. Patrol the area all around your beach party scene for litter, lost items, and leftover food.
BONUS: Under no circumstances should you bring glass of any kind to the beach. All items should be plastic or paper so they will not break and cause injuries to anyone.
Question: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you by locating this article at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy practicing at the beach!
Tags: beach etiquette, beach manners, going to the beach
Posted in Life | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 20th, 2012
 Many Americans often display the Stars and Stripes, especially on holidays, such as Memorial Day, the last Monday in May, Flag Day (June 14) and Independence Day (July 4). Here are ten everyday tips to keep in mind when displaying a national, state, city, or company flag. Please keep in mind when you’re planning a special event or special use of flags, additional tips may apply. Contact us for guidance pertaining to your specific situations. There is great protocol on this subject.
1. Indoor versus outdoor flags: It is important to know the difference between flags made for outdoor versus indoor use; don’t confuse the two. Indoor and outdoor flags are different and should not be interchanged. Outdoor flags are usually made of light-weight nylon, while indoor flags are usually made of heavy-weight cotton or blended fibers and may have gold fringe. If you’re not sure whether yours is for indoor or outdoor use, call me. I’d be most happy to provide a free assessment.
2. Lighting: Always display a flag with proper lighting, either by sunlight or an appropriate lighting source. Do not display a flag in a dark, unlit corner. Unless a flag is made for heavy weather conditions, a flag is generally flown only in fair weather. When a flag is left flying overnight, it should not be left in the dark. It must be lit with a spotlight. Otherwise, it should be taken down and raised the following day.
3. Outdoor flags: Outdoor flags are raised at dawn and lowered at dusk. There may be exceptions to this depending on the circumstance. For example, on Memorial Day, flags are flown at half-mast until noon and at full-mast the rest of the day, until dusk.
4. Appropriate behavior: A flag is to be raised briskly and lowered slowly, it’s important to honor ceremonial traditions. When lowering the flag, no part of it should ever touch the ground or other objects. It should always be received by someone with open hands and arms. Always fold the flag neatly and with respect, especially at home… again honoring the ceremonial traditions.
5. Damaged flags: Do not display torn, tattered or frayed flags. If it’s in poor condition, have it mended immediately, or replaced. When destroying a flag it should be destroyed respectfully, generally by burning in a dignified manner. Take advantage of the resources to help dispose of damaged flags. Most American Legion Posts offer this service, often on Flag Day, June 14th. Many Cub Scout Packs, Boy and Girl Scout Troops also offer this service. TIP: Use this time of year to get yourself a new flag and discard the old one with dignity.
6. On a car: When displaying a flag on your car, it should be securely fastened straight-up on the front right fender.
7. Advertisements: Contrary to what we see in the media and elsewhere, the flag should never be used for advertising purposes, nor should it be used to carry or deliver anything, nor worn as clothing. It should not be embroidered onto baseball caps and other sports uniforms, nor printed on T-shirts and other articles of clothing. It should not be printed on anything intended to be discarded after a temporary use, such as paper napkins. These dos and don’ts are noted in all the etiquette books, so please—as the saying goes—don’t shoot the messenger! (… ah well, I suppose from now on, I won’t be wearing my flag vest, nor will I be allowing my husband to wear his flag tie, nor using anything with a flag on it.) Wait… there are exceptions! wearing a flag patch is acceptable on the uniforms of personnel such as military, police, fire and public safety, and by members of patriotic and officially sanctioned organizations, such as Red Cross, Salvation Army, Scouting organizations and others. When in doubt, contact me to assess the situation together.
8. Multiple flags: When displaying multiple flags on a flagpole, the U.S. flag should be the largest flag flown at the top. Other flags should be flown directly below in sizes no larger than the American flag. Make sure each flag is displayed in the proper order and position, each mounted and facing the same direction. There is a great deal of protocol to follow in this area, too numerous to list at this time—call me!
9. Showing respect: When saluting the flag, saying the Pledge of Allegiance, and singing the National Anthem, these are all done by standing at attention and facing the flag. Citizens will place their right hand over their heart. Anyone wearing a hat should remove it, male or female and regardless of the type of hat. Remove the hat by taking it off with the right hand, held to the left shoulder, with the hand over the heart. For military or others wearing official uniforms, hats should not be removed; rather stand at attention and salute.
10. Honoring the dead: When placing a flag at half-staff, first hoist it to the top, then lower it back down to a position halfway between the top and bottom of the flagpole. On certain holidays, such as Memorial Day, the flag is displayed at half-staff until noon and at full staff from noon to dusk (this was already briefly touched on in tip 3).
BONUS:
In the days ahead, look around your office and community and make note of how flags are being displayed and flown. If you are unsure about how your flags are being displayed, please contact me by telephone or email for a FREE assessment. Take a photo of your flag and email it to me. I’d be happy to confirm and help submit suggestions on to properly display your flag.
As you can see, flags should be taken seriously. For additional information, the U.S. Flag Code, as adopted by Congress, may be seen at http://www.ushistory.org/betsy/flagcode.htm. Other sites are also available by searching the keywords “flag etiquette.”
P.S. If you think no one’s paying attention, how about these examples of flag etiquette violations in recent news reports:
April 2004, McDonald’s raises flag to full staff after customer complaint. McDonald’s official said Wednesday that the company erred when it asked its restaurants to fly flags at half-staff to honor a company official, who died April 19.
April 2006, protesters held a U.S. flag upside-down to protest pending federal legislation, in Costa Mesa, California. Section 8a., “The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.”
Super Bowl 2004, Janet Jackson’s “costume malfunction” made international news; that same half-time show featured the wearing of an American flag by performer Kid Rock. He later removed the flag poncho and hurled it over his head. Section 8d. says, “The flag should never be used as wearing apparel.”
In July 2003 President Bush autographed a small flag. This picture was circulated across the Internet noting its violation of the Flag Code: “The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature.”
Question: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you by locating this article at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy Practicing!
Posted in Business, Cultural Awareness, Life | No Comments »
Sunday, April 1st, 2012
 Although I think of the month of April as being the month for April showers, did you know that National Kite Flying Month runs from the 31st of March to the 30th of April? So let’s celebrate… and may I say with all good intentions… Go fly a kite!
When was the last time—if ever—you flew a kite? Take time this month to enjoy a timeless activity with family and friends of any age. These eight guidelines will make it more enjoyable for you and others.
1. Learn how it works before venturing out. Flying a kite requires responsibility. It’s just like taking golf lessons when you get your first set of clubs. Here’s how to get started: “How to Fly a Kite
2. Be aware of your surroundings. Many sports kites can fly as fast as 100 miles an hour and cause great harm. If you choose to fly this kind of kite, never dive or swoop over the heads of nearby people or animals, or over buildings.
3. Understand who’s in control. It won’t be you. Unpredictable wind gusts or a broken kite will cause your kite to fly out of your control. If this happens, yell to warn anyone in potential danger.
4. Stay away from other kite flyers. Keep your hands, feet, children, and pets off other people’s kites, lines, and other equipment.
5. Keep lines separate. Do not fly your kite close enough to collide, tangle with, or cut other people’s kite lines. Even if you’d like to do so in fun, it’s not funny.
6. Know your place. Keep away from areas where advanced or professionals fly their kites. Plenty of other grassy fields and beach exist for a hobbyist.
7. Pick up your mess. Clean up any debris resulting from kite flying or eating.
8. Have fun!
Question: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you by locating this article at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy Practicing!
Tags: flying a kite, kite etiquette, kite flying etiquette, kites
Posted in Life | No Comments »
Monday, March 19th, 2012
I had the pleasure of appearing on a San Francisco radio show, called The David Lazarus Show. The focus was the demise of etiquette, manners, and civility. With only a few days’ notice and knowing this was a live, listener call-in show, I thought long and hard on this subject, more than ever before.
I came up with eight observations on where words such as politeness, courtesy, respect, consideration, goodness, civility have gone—along with all other words describing appropriate behavior—and how necessary these are in our daily lives. All require a little homework.
Perhaps you will think some of what I have to written is provocative and you will have thoughts of your own to share. Please see the bottom of this newsletter for details on how you can share your thoughts with others and me on this most important subject (Advanced Etiquette Blog).
1. We live in a world of ever-growing diversity.
Result: We live among strangers .
No longer do we live in neighborhoods where everyone knows one-another, or work in congenial work environments where people contribute to each others’ well-being and respect each other.
Homework: Introduce yourself to your neighbors and co-workers. Get to know them better. You will no longer be strangers, and you will build your own community of friends in your neighborhood and workplace.
2. We are led to believe anything goes, anything is possible, and we are free to be whomever we want.
Result: We look out for Number 1 and live in a world of selfishness.
With this attitude, we may not care who we hurt and who we step on to get what we want. Courtesy, consideration, politeness, and civility cannot be shown only when convenient and aligned with our ultimate goals and plans.
Homework: Remind yourself of the golden and platinum rules: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you; and Do unto others as they would like to be treated.
3 We believe more is better.
Result: We spend more time under stress.
Today it is harder to be content with who we are and what we have. We are expected to make more money, have more possessions, acquire bigger houses, and set strategic goals for greater power and position.
Homework: Think about what is really important in your life. One way may be to write in your calendar specific dates and times to spend time with your spouse, children, family, and friends. Block out vacation time and personal time, too, and never postpone or cancel these appointments. Treat everyone as though they were your most valued clients—including yourself.
4. Many people don’t know how to play the game.
Result: We live in a world of “lost identity.”
Many kids and adults are unaware of how to behave in certain situations. We have fewer role models about whom a we can say, “I want to be just like him or her when I grow up.”
Homework: Build your own identity of good behavior. 1. Make a written list of all the good qualities you would like to possess. 2. Compare this list against the best characteristics of one or more people you admire in life. 3. Watch and analyze how you and your ideal are examples for how to handle various situations in a positive and good manner.
5. We live in a world where there is a greater lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, in both young people and adults.
Result: We see increased rates in negative behavior, such as violence, rage, murders, suicides, and other behaviors.
We do not practice the skills that help us develop as good human beings. It is important for young people and adults to have the guidance and coaching on how to display good reasoning skills and respect for others when in a conflict situation.
Homework: Think within yourself the next time you are confronted with a situation that makes your blood boil. Be sensitive to how you act and how it affects others in a positive or negative, productive or non-productive way.
6. We have access to fewer role-models, figureheads, wise elders, and teachers.
Result: We do not have guidance on how to develop and act.
Homework: Write down the qualities you admire in a friend, family member, or co-worker. These will become part of what I call “The Civility P.L.E.D.G.E.”©*, where you make an active choice to develop those qualities in yourself. (*= People Leading Everyone to Do Good Everywhere)
7. Parents have trouble handling the complexities of parenting in the 21st century. Result: Parents always do the best they can. Yet in today’s complex world, sometimes the best is still not enough. Many kids are still not receiving proper instruction, mentoring, and tutoring in the many aspects of life, such as respecting and displaying courtesy and politeness to others, and table manners. Homework: If you are a parent or a teacher—the two most crucial influences in child development—by default. Take time to talk and spend time with your child/teen regularly.
8. People require and expect less from others.
Result: People do their own thing and are not expected to do much of anything.
Every home and business environment have their own inherent guidelines to appropriate behavior, yet much is not reinforced in our daily lives.
Homework: Be an example first. Teach our children and reinforce good behaviors in all we do. Do not have an attitude of “Do as I say, not as I do.”
Conclusion: It all starts with you and me. On any given day, we cannot be responsible for everyone’s actions. We can only take responsibility for our own actions. Set a good example. Take the time and care to mentor, coach, and tutor those who are your responsibility, including children, students, and staff members under your care.
Question: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you by locating this article at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy Practicing
Tags: civility, getting along
Posted in Life | 2 Comments »
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