Archive for the ‘Life’ Category
Wednesday, February 1st, 2012
Valentine’s Day was first established during the days of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages when the tradition of courtly love flourished. (See more on the history of Valentine’s Day here: http://theholidayspot.com/valentine/history_of_valentine.htm)
 Now, Valentine’s Day is celebrated in many countries around the world and has become yet another media and product sales frenzy, much the same as celebrating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. What’s important to me is not to buy into all the hype. Stick to celebrating this day as it was originally intended, to acknowledge the love and affection you have for another.
If you’re not in a relationship – or even if you are — you can also celebrate the day with friends, co-workers and family. Valentine’s Day is no longer reserved for lovers, and it doesn’t matter who initiates the invitation. It’s all about how you extend the invitation and execute the celebration. It’s as my good friend Bob Meyer says, “Good, clean, fun is the best!” Here are some guidelines:
1. To send a card to a person you hardly know: There is nothing wrong with sending or giving someone a Valentine’s card or even a small gift of friendship on this day. The key is to keep the card and gift light-hearted and not expensive. A simple gesture of friendship without any heavy-duty message shows you care. It would be most inappropriate to use this day to surprise someone to express your innermost feelings about your “secret love.” Ease into it in other ways.
2. To invite someone out: When you don’t know the person well, or have only dated a few times, do not assume the person will want to see you on this particular day. Approach it subtlety by asking, “Gosh, Valentine’s Day is coming up soon, is this something you enjoy celebrating?” Whether the reply is yes or no, if you choose to ask the person out, do it in a light-hearted and non-threatening manner. Keep in mind this is merely another time to have fun together and nothing more serious.
3. To celebrate with co-workers: Look upon this day as yet another opportunity to have a party at work. Keep it light, and use all the fun items kids share in schools, like kid’s Valentine’s Day cards and heart-shaped cookies. It can be a great way to build closer friendships among co-workers. A company I know celebrates almost every holiday. On the Friday before Mother’s and Father’s Day, the company holds a special lunch, where all mothers and fathers are invited to bring in family photos and share kid stories.
4. To celebrate with family: How about sending your parents and grandparents a Valentine’s card? I remember doing it as a kid. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you have to forget showing how much you love and care about them.
5. To celebrate with someone special: Steer away from giving a heart-shaped box of chocolates and red roses, unless you know the person well and know for sure the person enjoys them. Find out what the person likes and give something he or she will enjoy. For me, instead of chocolates, I’d love a nicely wrapped package of designer potato chips. A small item for the home or kitchen is fine too. As for what to do, why not simply ask, “What would you enjoy doing?” Perhaps give a few options, such as a light bite and a movie. Inviting the person to your apartment may be too intimate and must be handled carefully to be appropriate. If I had a male friend, I would be concerned about giving the wrong impression by being together on this day alone. Going out in a group may be the best choice until you choose to become closer friends.
6. To those “going steady”: This is where Valentine’s Day can be more serious. The etiquette here is to give your counterpart something meaningful you know she or he will enjoy and cherish. It is the time to share words of love and affection and to reaffirm your dedication to the other person. It is not the day for to discuss your relationship and what isn’t working well.
7. To husbands and wives: Plan a celebration according to both your likes and desires, whether it’s a weekend getaway or something as simple as an intimate dinner for two at home. Ron and I enjoy celebrating almost all holidays by staying home and cooking a great meal together. That’s our idea of fun. Statistics show that married couples who cook together have a greater chance of remaining happily married. I’m glad we both enjoy cooking!
8. To those who are single: It’s easy to feel left out, so plan something that evening with a group of other single friends so you won’t be home alone, such as an evening of cocktails and dinner. I did this before I was married, and one time our group had a fun gift exchange of small boxes of chocolates. Each person brought a box and we each got one to bring home.
Most of all, however you celebrate the day, do it with full consideration, respect, and honesty. This is what etiquette is all about.
Happy Practicing!
Question of the Month: What other tips do you have to add to this list. Do you have great and/or horror stories to share about any of your own Valentine’s celebrations? We’d love to hear from you as learning lessons for the future.
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Thursday, January 19th, 2012
 People have been going to the movies since 1897, yet sadly there is still a need to write about how to act there. Feel free to spread this Etiquette Tip far and wide. Perhaps my two cents will make a difference to the movie-going public.
What’s the first thing you think I will say about Etiquette at a movie theater? It is the first thing nearly everyone mentions to me as their biggest pet peeve at the movies. You guessed it . . .
1. Turn off your cell phone. I cannot except any excuse for a ringing cell phone in the theater or at any event OR MEETING (and that goes for pagers and alarm watches, too). Even the most inexpensive phones can be turned to “vibrate” or “meeting mode” with just a couple of steps. Theater managers post signs and present cute on-screen reminders. Everyone just needs to get in the habit. Please. Here’s my tip for those rare occasions when you must take a call while at the movies or similar situation: When it vibrates, immediately press the talk button on your cell phone to cease the ringing. You immediately whisper, “One moment please.” That’s it—nothing else. Do not say “Hello,” as that will prompt your caller to begin talking. After you exit the theater resume the conversation by stating, “Thank you for waiting—I was in a movie theater and couldn’t talk until I left the room.” Some people think text messaging is a remedy for not talking in a theater. These people are wrong. The glare and glow of the cell phone is just as disturbing as the ring and noise of a conversation. Leave the phone alone and just enjoy the show.
2. Be on time! The starting time of each film is posted in the newspaper, online, and at the theater. There’s no excuse for entering the theater and disrupting those who were courteous enough to arrive on time.
3. Be patient in line. No one enjoys an impatient person who constantly appears to be rushing and pushing his or her way through a line. Remember, there is no amount of shoving or complaining that will make the line go any faster.
4. Choose your seat with care. Look around as you find your seat. Once seated, remove your hat or any other item that could block the sightline of those behind you. Especially if you are tall or see a short person behind you, choose your seat with sensitivity. Here’s a quick story about a situation that happened to me while attending a late afternoon movie and inspired this month’s tip. My husband and I entered the theater to find only about a dozen other viewers seated at various locations in the theater. We chose seats in the middle of the theater in the middle of a row with empty seats all around us. Two big guys entered the theater and chose to sit literally in the seats right in front of us. The taller of the two sat right in front of me. I couldn’t believe it. The theater was practically empty, why did he choose to sit directly in front of little ol’ me? He literally blocked my view of the screen. I tapped the man on his shoulder and asked, “Could you please move a couple of seats either way. You are blocking my view?” I will not quote his response here, but I will say it was not friendly or favorable. We had to move to other seats…
5. Sit once and remain seated. No one likes to be seated beside or behind someone who gets up and leaves their seat several times before or, worse yet, during the movie. Plan ahead. Visit the restroom before taking your seat. Buy all the refreshments you may want and make all the calls you must before the movie begins. If you know you may have to leave during the film, choose a seat near the aisle and, preferably, near the rear of the theatre.
6. Refrain from ALL unnecessary talking once the film has begun. If you must talk, make it no louder than a whisper: If the person sitting next to you asks you to repeat yourself, then you know you are in the realm of the correct volume. Stop and think: Am I speaking at a volume even the person in front of me can likely hear? If the answer is yes or even maybe, then you are probably speaking too loudly. Holding side conversations, even in a whisper, can be heard. Make NO side comments. Also, laughing too loudly, especially when no one else is getting the joke, can be terribly annoying.
7. Always face the back of the theater when entering a row of seats. When entering a row to find a seat or leaving your seat to go toward the aisle, never allow your buttocks to be the face of neighboring people. Because of the way we bend as we sidle between the seats, our rear-end extends farther backward than our knees or chest. If you are facing the rear of the theater, your buttocks may touch the backs of the seats in the row in front and maybe even the back of the heads of a few people sitting there, but, if you face forward, your rear is in the face of all the people you pass—not a very positive appearance.
8. Check the ratings. Only bring children to movies that are content appropriate. Children—beginning about age four—will enjoy going to the theater to see appropriate movies. Until then, enjoy videos at home or hire a sitter when you want to enjoy a first-run feature. A noisy baby or a bored child who becomes disruptive bothers everyone in the theater.
9. Be quiet with every movement. Most candy, popcorn, and other food items sold in theaters are served in relatively quiet wrappers. Even so, try not to make excessive noise while eating or drinking. Don’t scrunch papers or boxes, don’t rattle or chew on the ice in your drink, don’t slurp the last of your drink through the straw, and, if you are eating something very crunchy, keep your mouth closed while you chew very gently and quietly.
10. Stay to the end of the film. Some people, including my husband, enjoy viewing the credits at the end of a film. Especially here in the San Francisco Bay Area where many films are made, the name of a friend or acquaintance may scroll by. If you are a person who does not enjoy viewing the credits or know you may have reason to leave the theater during the film, try to sit in an aisle seat or toward the back of the theater so you can exit with the least amount of disruption.
11. Showing “too much” affection in public: A darkened movie theater may feel like you are in a world of your own, but you’re not. Leave such displays for other private locations.
The Question of the Month:
Why are people so mean spirited these days? I am curious to know what makes people feel the need to have power over others in situations that serve no purpose, like the man who nearly ruined my movie experience. I wonder if there is anything we can do to help turn this seemingly epidemic around. Please submit your comments on our BLOG page at http://www.advancedetiquette.com/blog. Your responses could be the subject of a future tip.
Question: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you by locating this article at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy Practicing!
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Wednesday, November 30th, 2011
 Many dinners, especially around the holiday season, include meals served family-style—where heaping platters of delicious foods are served and shared around the table. These guidelines should help you properly navigate your way through this form of dining:
1. WHEN I’M THE FIRST PERSON TO RECEIVE A PLATTER OF FOOD, DO I PASS TO THE RIGHT OR LEFT?
At the beginning of a meal, pass all food counter-clockwise, to the right.
2. WHEN MAY I BEGIN EATING?
Among close family and friends you may begin eating as soon as everyone has received a little helping of each dish being passed. In a more formal setting, you may want to follow proper etiquette which dictates you wait for the host to begin eating. A good host may encourage everyone to start eating while platters are being passed. If this occurs, feel free to begin. If the family tradition is to offer a blessing before eating, either participate or sit quietly while others do. At larger gatherings, you may want to say grace before the food begins to be passed to avoid everyone having to wait a long time while the food gets cold. If individually you want to say a private blessing, simply lower your head in brief silence before you begin eating.
3. AT WHAT POINT MAY I ASK FOR SECONDS?
Generally speaking, you should wait to request more food until encouraged by the host. Assuming all food is clearly on display in front of you, simply ask that a specific item on the table be passed to you for seconds. It will be a compliment to the chef that you want more of something. Before serving yourself, be sure to offer some to the dining companion on either side of you. When food is not in front of you, it is best to wait until you are offered more. This could cause your host to be uncomfortable by having to refuse your request because there are no seconds.
4. SOMEONE JUST ASKED ME TO PASS A PLATTER OF FOOD FOR SECONDS. DO I PASS IT THE SAME WAY I DID AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL?
No. During the meal you may pass food in whatever direction is easiest and closest. Right, left, and across the table are all acceptable.
5. HOW DO I POLITELY REFUSE SOMETHING BEING PASSED?
If you have food allergies or clearly defined religious or other food restrictions, inform your host prior to the meal, if at all possible. Simply make a brief statement when you accept the invitation or at the time you arrive, “I just wanted you to know I am allergic to peanuts. Please let me know if there are any dishes that contain peanuts. I’ll just pass on those. I’m sure there will be plenty of other wonderful foods to eat. I just wanted to let you know so you wouldn’t think I was passing on a dish because of any other reason.” Having given notice, your host will not be offended when you pass on that dish. If you are unsure about a particular dish, discretely ask the host how it was prepared and what ingredients were used. Most hosts will gladly disclose the ingredients. Otherwise, if you have no serious food restrictions, do try a small portion of everything being served. You never know, … try it, you’ll like it! The bottomline is, neither host nor guest should place an emphasis on the food. Rather, the focus of a family-style meal should be the overall enjoyment of a celebration and an evening in good company.
6. IS IT O.K. TO GRAB THE LAST PIECE OF SOMETHING, ESPECIALLY IF IT IS SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME WITH MY NAME WRITTEN ALL OVER IT?
It is always best to offer the use of any item to the dining companions on either side of you before you grab it. You could say something such as, “Jane, Joe, this last piece of turkey looks mighty delicious. Would you enjoy having some of it?” If yes, share it. When they decline, help yourself.
7. WHEN MAY I LEAVE THE TABLE AT THE END OF THE MEAL
Generally guests remain at the table for about an hour after the meal has concluded to enjoy a bit of after-dinner conversation. Watch your hosts for clues. Unless you are invited to see the host’s model train display, adults typically do not leave until senior members of the family or the guest of honor leaves. Younger guests may ask to be excused to enjoy their own conversations and activities in another room.
8. DO I HAVE TO WRITE A THANK YOU NOTE?
DUH! A guest should always write a thank-you note. While your parents will be pleased to receive a simple note expressing gratitude for their hospitality, just imagine how impressed your future in-laws will be. Creating a family-style meal for special gatherings and celebrations is a large undertaking. Receiving even a very simple hand-written thank-you note in return is always a gesture most appreciated. If you are the guest of a guest, notes to both your host and the person who invited you are appropriate.
Question: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you by locating this article at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy Dining!
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Thursday, October 13th, 2011
In cities across the country, Fall is the season for attending various performing arts. Here are a few guidelines to help make your experience—such as a play, an opera, symphony or ballet—more enjoyable for you and others and to avoid irritating or offending those around you.
BEFORE THE PERFORMANCE:
- Dress the part. Going to the theatre is a fun, dress-up affair. Take time before the event to plan and choose what you will wear. In most cases, it is not appropriate to show up wearing the style clothes better associated with a back yard barbecue. Avoid wearing jewelry such as earrings, bangles, or beads that make noise when you move. Go light on perfumes that may cause discomfort for others. Remove hats, especially and including baseball caps, when in the theatre. For men it is most inappropriate to wear any hat indoors, and for women it is not recommended, as it may obstruct the view of others in the audience.
- Know the score. Especially for musical events, if you are unfamiliar with what is being performed, do as much homework as possible before the show to best understand the nuances of the event. Check out recordings at the library or go on-line to sites such as www.metopera.org/synopses or www.classical.net to read about the story, author, composer, and music. Many performances include notes and a show synopsis in the program.
- Arrive on time. It may be considered fashionable to arrive a few minutes late to a party, but this is not true for the theatre. Confirm the start time of the performance and plan accordingly. It is best to arrive early, so that you have time to find your seat, relax, and read the program notes and show synopsis. There is no standard that performances begin at 8:00 p.m. and are punctuated by intermissions. Latecomers are often requested to remain in the back of the hall or outside in the lobby or a viewing room, until the end of the first act or movement. For performances without an intermission, you could be completely shut out if you arrive late.
- Eat lightly. It is best to eat and drink in moderation before a performance. A large meal may make you sleepy. Your elegant evening may be destroyed if your companion has to nudge you awake when you nod your head or start to snore! Choose another time to eat lots of garlic, onions, chili peppers, beans, and other odorous foods. Keep in mind that you will be sitting with a large group of people for several hours. There is nothing worse than smelling the person near you all evening.
DURING THE PERFORMANCE:
- Be still. Please sit still and be quiet throughout the performance. Refrain from fidgeting, moving your head and body around, rustling papers, tapping your feet or hands, humming along, or carrying on conversations—even in a whisper. To keep from coughing, be prepared with a cough drop. Carry your drops or candy at the top of your purse or pocket with the wrapper loosened ahead of time, to keep the noise of undoing the cover to a minimum.
- Lose the electronics. Above all, make sure your cell phone and other electronic devices are turned off during the entire performance. If you absolutely must hear from someone, keep the device on the vibrate mode and fully leave the theatre to answer the call.
- Stay in your space. Be sure to sit up straight in your seat. Do not lean forward in your chair, especially when seated in an upper level row. You may be unaware that this terribly obstructs the view of those behind you. Choose one armrest to use, not both. Keep your elbows, knees, and feet within your designated space.
- Savor the performance. Do not read your program—or anything else—during the performance, especially using a penlight. Instead, read the program ahead of time or during the intermission.
- Be appreciative. Applause and cheers are an integral part of the performance. It is the true reward for the performers. However, be sensitive about when it is appropriate to applaud at a performance. Generally speaking,
DO applaud …
— the conductor as he or she first arrives on stage.
— at the end of each act in an opera or play.
— after the last movement in a musical piece.
— as loudly as you desire at the conclusion of the entire performance.
DO NOT applaud …
— the star performer as he or she first enters the stage.
— between movements in a musical piece.
— after each aria or song a performer sings.
— when you first view a new set on stage.
AFTER THE PERFORMANCE:
- Enjoy the finale. Do not make a mad dash for the door the moment the curtain falls or the last note is played. It is very rude to ask folks to let you out while they are showing the performers their appreciation with applause and cheering. Plus, if you leave right away, you may miss an exciting encore. Let people closer to the aisles depart first.
BONUS TIP: One of the most telling signs of a theatre-savvy person is how they cheer a performer. When cheering a woman performer, the proper term is BRAVA!
When cheering only a man performer, the proper term is BRAVO!
When cheering both men and women performers, the word to say is BRAVI! (Pronounced “bra vay”)
Happy Practicing!
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Monday, October 3rd, 2011
 This month I am continuing a theme first introduced a few months back about pet peeves. I just have to discuss an epidemic that is driving me crazy! It’s about how people do not respond to invitations and still show up, or do say they’re coming but are no-shows. This kind of behavior is simply not respectful or considerate of the hosts.
This issue came to a boil for me last month, when I was a speaker at two professional organizations’ events. The organizers gave me an initial guest count, but only about half that number actually attended.
What gets me most is the lack of concern these no-shows showed for others. In both cases, there was lots of leftover food and drink. Plus I had prepared personalized materials that became trash after the night was over. Sure, I could have produced generic materials to recycle at another presentation. Yet there is something special when a speaker makes the effort to personalize materials, don’t you think?
With the heavy fall and holiday party season nearly upon us, here are a few guidelines I hope will become a habit whenever responding to any invitation:
How soon should I respond to an invitation?
Always respond within a week of receiving the invitation. Certainly respond no later than the due date stated on the invitation or reply card.
After accepting an invitation, what if something comes up at the last minute and I can’t attend?
Never be a no-show. If it’s unavoidable, call—even at the last minute—and leave a message on voicemail, email, or text. Then call the next day to apologize to the organizer directly, and even in some cases send a personal email note (or by regular mail is best for social invitations), expressing your regret for not attending.
What if I did not respond to an invitation, but realize I want to attend at the last minute?
Never show up to a party or event unannounced. Contact the organizers by both email and telephone, saying, “I know I didn’t respond by the due date. I wasn’t sure until now I could attend. By chance is there still space available?” This way the host is free to invite you, or to tell you they are at capacity and cannot accept your reservation. This avoids wasting your time and energy going to the event, only to be turned away, or appearing as though you were a party crasher. Further, it can be most embarrassing to be seen by friends who are attending, only to have to leave.
I responded to an event where I said I would pay at the door, but then I decided not to attend. Do I still have to pay?
Remember, when withdrawing your attendance at the last minute (generally within a week and certainly within 72 hours of the event date), you are still responsible for your remittance, except perhaps…
| a) If you call the host and leave a message about your situation, and he or she does not return your call; |
| Or |
| b) The host returns your call and lets you off the hook. |
In a third scenario, someone may call you to say they do indeed expect your remittance. Given this, agree to send in your money. That’s etiquette!
Do I have to reply to invitations that ask for money to attend?
It is not necessary to respond to public invitations requiring you to pay money to attend. That said, when someone you know on the event committee attaches a personal note, it is a nice courtesy to respond with an email when you are unable to attend. It not only shows you care, but it also serves to stay in touch with that person.
For your amusement: I recently read an article about R.S.V.P.s, where the author Rand Richards Cooper had this to say… “Left over from a time when graciousness couched demands as requests, the R.S.V.P. no longer functions. I therefore propose an update, something still French but a bit more … frank — the R.V.O.M.: Répondez Vite — ou Mourez! For those friends of mine who plead a lack of high school French, allow me to translate. Respond Quickly, or Die!
Happy Practicing!
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Friday, September 30th, 2011
 Imagine this: Your party guests will be arriving in 20 minutes, and you’re not worried. All is ready. . . and you’re feeling pretty smug about it, too. The house is clean and the atmosphere you’ve created is warm and friendly. The chocolate mousse is in the freezer. The salad is crisping in the refrigerator. The hors d’oeuvre are in the oven and all the other foods are in serving trays and bowls. You’re all dressed, not stressed.
You have time to relax, perhaps have your first glass of wine and look forward to spending time with the people you’ve invited over.
What’s the secret? …Party planning!
Awhile back, I was invited to speak about cocktail party planning and etiquette at the luxury five-diamond resort Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay (www.ritz-carlton.com/resorts/halfmoonbay/) for their “Summer School” workshop series. A number of subscribers wrote me saying they were unable to attend this event, but were interested in knowing what was presented. In response—and because the holidays are approaching—I offer the following tips as adapted and originally presented by my mentor and friend, Dorothea Johnson, Founder and Director of The Protocol School of Washington, in her booklet titled, “Entertaining with Ease & Elegance.” The result of following these tips: a terrific party and a host who can enjoy it!
- Plan ahead.
Organize everything ahead of time as much as you can, so you will be free to enjoy your guests and have fun at your own party. A “To Do” list is indispensable. Start your list as soon as you decide to entertain. Think through everything from the party style to your guest list to your menu. Then, order the tasks as they need to happen and establish a time-line for each. Always allow more time than your whole plan could possibly require. That way, if any step takes longer than expected, you’ll have leeway.
- Make a manageable menu.
Plan a menu that will need the least possible attention after your guests arrive. Check the limits of your refrigerator, freezer, oven, and range capacity. If you plan a party that requires multiple uses of the oven and you have only one, it’s not going to work. If you have only one refrigerator, beware of trying to cram in your salad, vegetables, and dessert all at once. It’s a matter of juggling and balancing your space.
- Cook in advance.
Select items that can hold well in the oven, in the refrigerator, or on the table. Don’t concentrate on impressing guests with individual dishes and overlook the enjoyment of the party as a whole. Do as much as you can before the party day so you’ll be relaxed and with your guests, not in the kitchen.
- Practice.
If you’ve planned to make a new recipe for your party, try it out first to avoid any surprises. At least a day ahead, do a dress rehearsal of the table and seating arrangements you plan to use. Label each serving piece and place it on the serving table for fit. If you’ll use items at different points during the party, organize them in the refrigerator or preparation area in the order you’ll need them.
- Don’t blow the budget.
Fancy food is not the key to a successful party, it’s the hospitality, presentation, and attention to a few details. Planning ahead often results in saving money, because you will have time to look for sales on items you want to serve. You’ll enjoy your party more when it is designed within your means, even if it’s just a good bowl of nuts, cheese, and fruit.
- Use what you have.
Personal expression is the primary guideline for today’s table settings. Tableware needn’t match and centerpieces don’t have to be flowers. Let your imagination soar and use what’s on hand. Traditional rules for using matched china, crystal, and silver no longer apply.
- Work out traffic patterns.
Consider all seating and walking patterns. Try out every chair on which you expect a guest to sit and walk every path you expect a guest to take. If guests must sit on the floor, try out the floor space yourself. For larger parties, spread refreshments around to keep people moving around. Place food in different rooms of the house and drinks in possibly two locations, at opposite ends of the house.
- Decide in advance what to wear.
It’s best to let your guests know the event style, so they may dress accordingly. Prevent surprises by telling your guests on the invitation if it’s casual, informal, black-tie, or to bring their swimsuits. Know what you’re going to wear and discuss and coordinate your outfit with that of your partner or spouse (and children) so you won’t look like the odd couple.
- Brief your helpers.
Whether your partner helps or you are hiring some helpers, be sure to go over your plan together. Make a written to-do list for all duties and tasks, including a timetable so everyone will know what is expected. Have extra help arrive an hour ahead of guests to direct them and have them walk the entire space to familiarize themselves with all they will need to do their work well. They can’t guess where extra plates are stored. Again, your to-do list is key to success.
10. Avoid being rushed.
Don’t let haste be your enemy. Haste can tire, irritate, and generally lead to an unpleasant party. If you find yourself rushing when you start to serve, slow down and count to ten. Despite all your advanced work, sometimes a party simply takes on a life of its own. Only you know everything you planned for the party. If something doesn’t happen exactly as planned, you may just want to smile and enjoy the event as it unfolds.
BONUS: After everyone’s gone.
Take the load off your feet and relax. Perhaps finally enjoy another glass of wine. Do a mental review of all that transpired throughout the party. Open the gifts you received from guests and marked upon their arrival. Make a list of those to whom you plan to write thank-you notes. Use this time to be proud of all your accomplishments and all the things you did well. Be mindful of the items you can do better next time.
Although it is said, “practice makes perfect,” it is as another saying states, “The road to success is never finished.” Never stress out over what could have been … just enjoy each experience to the fullest and know there will always be another time to practice again.
Happy Practicing!
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Tuesday, July 5th, 2011
 Are you regularly late to appointments? This is perhaps my all time worst pet peeve: people who are constantly late. Sure, we all are late at one time or another, but for the person who is habitually late, it is simply rude, inconsiderate, and selfish, with little or no real excuse for it.
Some people have argued it is a sociopathic disorder. Maybe so. Regardless of the reason, I believe it is manageable if not curable, and no different for some people than losing weight. You just have to care enough to make up your mind to take the necessary steps to remedy the situation.
On the surface, people who are constantly late don’t seem to care about themselves or others, no matter how many times they are scolded and joked about. It just goes in one ear and out the other. So what can be done?
1. Change your attitude. Before any of the tips that follow can be successful, you must change your attitude and mindset about being late. You must recognize and care about how it affects others.
For instance, when you are late, it often throws the timeline and agenda off schedule. It is most rude to have people waiting for you to show up and then having everything else that follows be late, too.
Once you recognize this as a bad habit, only then will you be on the road to recovery.
2. Begin in stages. Begin by posting a written pledge to yourself—on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, or someplace visible at all times—that for a period of one week, from this date to this date, you will make every effort to be on time for every appointment.
Monitor your progress at the end of each day in writing and make written notes of any adjustments you need to improve. Just thinking about it doesn’t cut it, because your thoughts are too easily forgotten.
At the end of the first week, give your self a big smile and a pat on the back. Relax in knowing you have actively taken the first steps to improving your life. Thereafter, just keep going for another week, understanding practice makes perfect. Once you can go two weeks without being late, then set the goal for one month and so on. Believe it or not, soon you will be on the path of success and will rarely be late again. These techniques do work.
3. Plan ahead.
From this point forward, you will never be scrambling at the last minute, which may have been among the reasons you were late. Get prepared one or more days ahead of time by using the following tips:
- Make yourself a written checklist and timeline to follow, and follow it to help you get on the right path to success
- Organize a permanent place in your home or office for fast getaways. Always set your regular pocket items such as wallet, keys, briefcase, and purse there.
- Set out exactly what you want to wear at least one or two days ahead. This will give you time to get items cleaned or ironed.
- Set up a place, within easy grabbing distance, for all items needed for the day of the appointment.
- Each morning, listen to the radio or television, or look up online the latest weather conditions and traffic reports to determine whether you will have to leave your house earlier than usual.
- Pay attention to the news for major local events that will impact your normal routes across town.
- When preparing for important appointments, anticipate that things will take double the time you think and allow the extra time, just in case. If you get done sooner, relax and have an extra cup of coffee or sit and relax.
- If you are sleep deprived, get to sleep earlier the night before. Instead of doing one or two extra tasks at night, jot them down so you won’t forget to do them the next day. If you have trouble getting up in the morning, seek professional help to get this problem under control.
- Until you are well established in a routine of not being late in the morning, set your alarm clock to get up one hour early to allow plenty of time to get ready and leave.
- If you enjoy a cup of coffee or breakfast at home, get a coffee maker with an alarm and prepare and set it the night before. It’s the closest thing to having room service in the morning.
- Plan to leave your house or office at least 30 minutes earlier than you have in the past, for every appointment. Your new rule is now “better early than late.” In fact, I’m happier to be someplace even 30 minutes early than to be one minute late.
If you’re late anyway:
1. Call the person to let him or her know. Because we all have cell phones now, there is absolutely no excuse for not doing so. Inform the person as to approximately how long you will be delayed, so he or she will know when next to expect you.
2. When you arrive, do not make a big fuss over being late. For meetings in progress, enter the room and take a seat quietly. When appropriate, apologize for being late with a one-sentence reason for your delay. When you are sorry and apologize, and your apology is accepted, it means you acknowledge your mistake and will not repeat it. Otherwise, the apology is meaningless.
QUESTION OF THE MONTH: Are you a person or do you know people who are constantly late? How do you feel and what do you think of about him/her always being late? What tips do you have to share to help others not be late? And when you are late, how have you gracefully recovered? I’d love to hear from you.
Happy Practicing!
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Tags: being late, being on time, being tardy, lateness, not being late, tardiness
Posted in Business, Life | 10 Comments »
Monday, June 27th, 2011
 Interestingly enough this topic has come up more than once in recent months. It has lead me to think others of you may be pondering these same issues . . .
Always leave both the toilet seat and cover down when you finish using the commode. This applies to both men and women, whether at home and in public facilities.
Never use the last sheet of bathroom tissue without informing the host. Better yet, a host should leave extra rolls in plain sight for guests to access and replace when needed.
Remember to be respectful of a person’s home. Do not rummage around in cabinets for items you may want, such as aspirin. Instead, always ask the host to assist you.
Always flush. This should be common sense. Flushing is as much a priority as washing your hands. The wide use of toilet and urinal sensors has made the issue of flushing a moot point in most public bathrooms. If, however, the bathroom you’re using does not have a sensor, it’s up to you to flush immediately after you finish. The old rule of “if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down.” does not apply to public facilities. Urinals need to be flushed too—it will help keep foul odors at a minimum.
Flushing is just one part of keeping any bathroom tidy. Don’t forget to also pick up any toilet paper if it has fallen to the floor, remove any newspapers or reading materials that you’ve brought in, and clean up the toilet seat or rim if you’ve splattered. It’s important to treat a public or friend’s bathroom with even more care and respect than you treat your bathroom at home.
Don’t conduct business in an office or public bathroom. A public bathroom is not a cubicle with a toilet. Therefore, don’t use this very specific space to conduct business, make phone calls, or send e-mails.
Wash your hands! This should be self explanatory. Germs are spread through contact. Washing your hands not only helps disinfect the germs that were on you before you went into the bathroom, but makes sure you walk out with fewer germs on your hands than when you walked in.
Sink usage. If you are going to use the sink do not make a mess. Do not be splash water all over. And, if you: shave, comb, brush, or cut your hair around the sink take the time to clean up after yourself.
Stall and urinal choices. You should always chose the toilet stall or urinal which gives both you and other people in the bathroom the most “buffer room”—the one on the end. If there is only one stall or urinal left—wait—No one wants to feel crowded.
Use the trash recepticles. Put your used paper towels and any other trash in a recepticle, never just toss it on the floor or in the general direction of the recepticle as your’re leaving.
BONUS TIP: When placing a new roll of bathroom tissue in its holder, the tissues are to be unrolled from over the top, so the end hangs in front of the roll, not behind. Of course, if you have a cat or a child that unrolls the toilet paper onto the floor or into the toilet bowl, that’s different—you may let the end hang behind the roll.
QUESTION: WHAT OTHER ITEMS DO YOU HAVE TO ADD TO THIS LIST? Do let us hear from you in the area below. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy Practicing!
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Tags: bathroom courtesies, bathroom etiquette, bathroom manners, toilet paper manners, toilet seat manners
Posted in Life | 1 Comment »
Thursday, June 23rd, 2011
 With Spring in full bloom and a number of special events upon us—graduations, Father’s Day, weddings, job promotions, retirements, and the like—here are a few tips on how to give and receive a toast..
TOAST-GIVER
Always take time to prepare and write down your toast. Make it fun, brief, and simple. When describing an honoree, speak from the heart sharing a fun and amusing story in your own words, for no longer than one minute. Conclude by inviting everyone to raise their glass and join you in a toast to the honoree.
Never use a piece of flatware and a glass as your way of getting people’s attention. Rather, alert key people in the room ahead of time to help you get their table and area quiet when the time arrives. Say, in a loud projecting voice, “May I have your attention please.” Repeat as needed, continuing to look around the room to get everyone’s attention.
Remember to make good eye contact with the honoree by raising your glass to shoulder height in front of you, and gesturing toward the honoree and others around you, stating, “Cheers!, Here’s to you (and/or his/her name).”
TOAST-RECEIVER
As the honoree:
Always remain seated through the entire toast being proposed to you.
Never raise your glass along with the others when you are being toasted and honored. This makes it appear you are toasting yourself.
Remember you should return a toast of thanks immediately following the one you were given. Whether the toast-giver stood during his/her remarks or remained seated, you must do the same. Do thank the host for hosting the event in your honor; do say a few words about the event for no more than one minute; then conclude by inviting one and all to join you in another round of toasting, by saying, “and thank you one and all for being here.”
Now have fun viewing this You-Tube video on Toasting Etiquette, also at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRoHpPVrUQk. Some times it’s easier to watch and learn than to read.
Bonus Tip: The clinking of glasses is a popular and fun activity. Nevertheless, when toasting an honoree it is not performed. Simply raise your glass to shoulder height in front of you, make good eye contact with the honoree and others, and gently gesture toward the honoree.
Question: What other items do you have to add to this list? Do let us hear from you at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com . If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe.
Happy Toasting!
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Tags: giving toasts, receiving toasts, toasting etiquette, toasting practices, toasts
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Friday, June 17th, 2011
 Summer is the most popular vacation season. For many people, a vacation includes spending treasured time visiting friends and relatives around the country and around the world. Employ these simple tips to be an outstanding houseguest and ensure both you and your hosts will enjoy your visit and they will want you back again someday:
1. Bring a “hostess” gift: Even when staying just one night, always present your host with a house gift shortly after your arrival. Good gift ideas include attractively wrapped kitchen tools, a book, candles, a collectible your host will treasure, and specialty food and wine you know they will enjoy. The main criteria should be that it be something your host will appreciate.
2. Make yourself useful: Offer to help with meal preparation, doing dishes and other chores as though you were a member of the household. Do not expect your hosts to wait on you hand and foot throughout your stay. A nice gesture during an extended stay is to treat your hosts to dinner at a nice restaurant or cook them dinner at home one evening.
3. Be flexible about foods and eating times: Except for medical and religious restrictions, avoid dictating meal times and what your hosts serve. If you do have food restrictions, let your hosts know with a simple note prior to your arrival. If you have special food or beverage needs, bring these items with you.
4. Keep your space tidy: Make your bed each day, keep your belongings put away and leave the room or sleeping area in neat order at all times. Because guest spaces are often used by the family for other purposes, leave your door ajar when not in the room, so your hosts know you’re not there and can access the room when necessary.
5. Be diligent in the bathroom: Never leave the bathroom in a mess. Wipe the sink and shower, neatly hang your towels and close the lid on the commode after each use. Review other tips on our blog, especially the “Etiquette Tip of the Month” on Bathroom Etiquette.
6. Ask permission: If you want to use an item in the house, ask if its OK. Leave money for any telephone and other charges (including utilities) you may have incurred during your stay. Be sensitive to whatever guidelines your hosts may have for the use of all items in their home.
7. Share your schedule: While you cannot expect your hosts to entertain you throughout your visit, a good host will feel a sense of responsibility for your well-being, and want to know when to expect you in their home. Provide your hosts your general daily itinerary—primarily when you may be expected to leave and return each day. Carry your host’s home and business address and telephone numbers with you to keep in touch if you will be delayed or in case of emergency. If you have a cell phone, leave the number with your hosts too.
8. Be grateful: And let your hosts know you are. Write a thank you note to your host upon your return home. Reciprocate in-kind whenever possible, by offering to host your hosts for a visit. When you make yourself an outstanding guest, you may often hear, “mi casa es su casa,” my house is your house.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: Leave the space ready for the next guest. The day you leave, strip the bed, place all soiled linens and towels neatly in a pillow case and set the case near the laundry facilities. Re-cover the bed with the bedspread so it will look fresh until the next guest arrives. Finally, check the space to be sure you haven’t left any personal items behind.
What other tips do you have to add to this list? Let us hear from you by entering your comments below. You may also reach us at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com. If you enjoyed this article and want more, subscribe to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter—at no charge—filled with great monthly tips on all sorts of topics from international business and social etiquette and protocol to everyday life subjects. It will be great to have you as a member of our happy family of subscribers at www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/subscribe
Happy Practicing!
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Tags: guest etiquette, house guest, staying over
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