 
Many dinners, especially around the holiday season,
include meals served family-style---where heaping platters of
delicious foods are served and shared around the table. These
guidelines should help you properly navigate your way through
this form of dining:
-
WHEN I’M THE FIRST PERSON TO
RECEIVE A PLATTER OF FOOD, DO I PASS TO THE RIGHT OR
LEFT?
At the beginning
of a meal, pass all food counter-clockwise, to the
right.
- WHEN MAY I BEGIN EATING?
Among close family and friends you may begin
eating as soon as everyone has received a little helping of
each dish being passed. In a more formal setting, you may
want to follow proper etiquette which dictates you wait
for the host to begin eating. A good host may encourage
everyone to start eating while platters are being passed. If
this occurs, feel free to begin. If the family
tradition is to offer a blessing before eating, either
participate or sit quietly while others do. At larger
gatherings, you may want to say grace before the food begins
to be passed to avoid everyone having to wait a long time
while the food gets cold. If individually you want to say a
private blessing, simply lower your head in brief silence
before you begin eating.
- AT WHAT POINT MAY I ASK FOR
SECONDS?
Generally
speaking, you should wait to request more food until
encouraged by the host. Assuming all food is clearly on
display in front of you, simply ask that a specific item on
the table be passed to you for seconds. It will be a
compliment to the chef that you want more of something.
Before serving yourself, be sure to offer some to the dining
companion on either side of you. When food is not in
front of you, it is best to wait until you are offered
more. This could cause your host to be uncomfortable
by having to refuse your request because there are no
seconds.
- SOMEONE JUST ASKED ME TO PASS A PLATTER
OF FOOD FOR SECONDS. DO I PASS IT THE SAME WAY I DID AT THE
BEGINNING OF THE MEAL?
No. During
the meal you may pass food in whatever direction is easiest
and closest. Right, left, and across the table are all
acceptable.
- HOW DO I POLITELY REFUSE
SOMETHING BEING PASSED?
If you have food
allergies or clearly defined religious or other food
restrictions, inform your host prior to the meal, if at all
possible. Simply make a brief statement when you accept the
invitation or at the time you arrive, “I just wanted you to
know I am allergic to peanuts. Please let me know if there
are any dishes that contain peanuts. I’ll just pass on
those. I’m sure there will be plenty of other wonderful
foods to eat. I just wanted to let you know so you wouldn’t
think I was passing on a dish because of any other reason.”
Having given notice, your host will not be offended when you
pass on that dish. If you are unsure about a particular
dish, discretely ask the host how it was prepared and what
ingredients were used. Most hosts will gladly disclose the
ingredients. Otherwise, if you have no serious food
restrictions, do try a small portion of everything being
served. You never know, ... try it, you'll like
it! The bottomline is, neither host
nor guest should place an emphasis on the food. Rather, the
focus of a family-style meal should be the overall enjoyment
of a celebration and an evening in good
company.
- IS IT O.K. TO
GRAB THE LAST PIECE OF SOMETHING, ESPECIALLY IF IT IS
SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME WITH MY NAME WRITTEN ALL OVER
IT?
It is always
best to offer the use of any item to the dining companions
on either side of you before you grab it. You could say
something such as, “Jane, Joe, this last piece of turkey
looks mighty delicious. Would you enjoy having some of
it?” If yes, share it. When they decline, help
yourself.
- WHEN MAY I LEAVE THE
TABLE AT THE END OF THE MEAL?
Generally
guests remain at the table for about an hour after the meal
has concluded to enjoy a bit of after-dinner conversation.
Watch your hosts for clues. Unless you are invited to see
the host's model train display, adults typically do not
leave until senior members of the family or the guest of
honor leaves. Younger guests may ask to be excused to enjoy
their own conversations and activities in another
room.
- DO I HAVE TO WRITE A
THANK YOU NOTE?
DUH! A guest should
always write a thank-you note. While your parents will be
pleased to receive a simple note expressing gratitude for
their hospitality, just imagine how impressed your future
in-laws will be. Creating a family-style meal for special
gatherings and celebrations is a large undertaking.
Receiving even a very simple hand-written thank-you note in
return is always a gesture most appreciated. If you are the
guest of a guest, notes to both your host and the person who
invited you are appropriate.
Happy
Dining!
If you
have any questions, email me at info@advancedetiquette.com.
I’d enjoy hearing from you.
To
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