Spring is upon us, Easter is coming soon, and baseball season is about to begin here in the U.S. It is the time of year many people wear all sorts of hats until winter hats are again needed. Actually, this topic has been on my mind for months, waiting for just the right month to do it, and here it is!
Indoors: So… how can I say this nicely without yelling in all capital letters: No man or woman, young or old, should ever, ever, ever, ever wear a sports hat — especially a baseball cap—indoors. Not in restaurants, in someone’s home, at the dining table, at church, a funeral, in a classroom, in a museum, at a movie or performance theatre… on and on. There is absolutely no purpose to keeping your hat on… not even when you are having a bad hair day or need to cover up a bald spot on your head. It’s all about when it’s proper or not proper to wear a hat. It’s purely out of laziness and a false sense of looking cool and in fashion… not! There is equally nothing cool about wearing your baseball cap backward… again especially indoors.
Except In Public Places: You may wear a hat indoors (yeh… even a baseball cap if you absolutely must) in public buildings, such as airports, public lobbies, and crowded public elevators. However, historically a gentleman will always remove his hat when a lady enters or is in the same elevator. We don’t see this much anymore. When in an apartment building, even though somewhat public, gentlemen will take off their hats while in the company of ladies… another dying art.
[SIDE BAR: A foreign visitor kept seeing Americans wearing their baseball caps indoors, and at times backward. He determined this style indicated a direct correlation to the wearer’s apparent I.Q (intelligence quotient). Wearing a baseball cap indoors meant an I.Q. was reduced by 50%. Wearing the cap backward meant an I.Q. was reduced by another 50%… so what’s left? These findings make total sense to me.]
During a Pledge or National Anthem: Another major peeve of mine is how men and women don’t take off their hats and caps during the playing of a national anthem. Regardless of which country’s anthem is played, hats must come off, period. Parents… please train your kids!
During a Prayer at a Ceremony or Event: Display your respect and take off your hat.
In Places of Worship: Some places of worship require head coverings for both men and women, such as Muslim mosques and Sikh temples. Do your research or ask someone before entering such places of worship. Women should always pack one large scarf and one long skirt when traveling internationally for such a need to cover their heads. I sure needed them in both Mexico and Greece.
At a Church: Historically churches required women to wear hats or scarves. Now, it is not as required. However, some churches encourage women to wear hats, and in some places, it has become quite a lovely display across the entire sanctuary. It is considered disrespectful for men to wear hats in a Christian church.
At a Jewish Synagogue or Temple: Men are required to cover their heads with a “yarmulke,” a small round skullcap, also called a “kippah,” meaning dome or cupola. There is great symbolism and deep meaning behind wearing a yarmulke. Observant men wear theirs during all waking hours, except when bathing and swimming. Doing so bears witness to their faith. It’s a constant reminder of their humility before God and strong belief in something greater than themselves.
How to Take off a Hat: When taking off your hat, hold it so only the outside of the hat shows, not the inside and lining. Hold it in your right hand across your chest and heart, or place it on your seat while standing tall and respectfully.
Exceptions
People in Uniform: People in the military, Boy Scouts, police, and people in other uniformed organizations keep their hats on during “full dress.” Many other interesting regulations about hat-wearing in the military exist, so hat etiquette is a required course in the military.
People with religious and medical requirements. In this instance, people will choose specific head coverings that may be worn anywhere, indoors and out.
Women’s Fashion Hats: Traditionally, women wearing fashion hats are not required to take them off when indoors. That said, unless they are small and tight around the head, they too should be removed when at a dining table. at a theatre, sporting event, or other places where they may hamper someone’s view or be disruptive to others. Large hats are generally for the outdoors, not indoors. Think hat civility!
Question of the month: Have you ever been the subject of or a witness to someone being disrespectful or rude by wearing their hat inappropriately? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Enter your comments and questions below for me to reply.
Happy Practicing!
http://www.advancedetiquette.com/2010/04/hat-etiquette/
Well, I have to say the comment section here (though I am generally averse to reading ‘the bottom half of the internet’) has been a joy to read. So much heated debate, so much fluff, so much emotion!
I just thought I’d pop in and add my 2c – not that it matters at this point. The backstory: I’m a born and raised Australian, now living in Germany, 30 years old, steady job, degree, and with grand ambitions to discover which country has the most perfect skimming rocks, also I’m gay (let’s not start that debate please – heard it all before – it is unfortunately pertinent to the story). Anyhow, as it happens, I was a tad rushed for work this morning, and running out the door realised I hadn’t done my hair.
Naturally, panic set in. I couldn’t go out in public looking like the wreck of the Hespress, nor had I time to stand before my reflection and – as most days – spend a minute or two forking chemical glue-gas through my locks to make myself presentable. Thus, in a moment of what I considered shrewdness, I grabbed a baseball cap my 14 year old brother gave me for Christmas (bless) and darted out the door. I wore it into the office (cue dramatic flourish).
After lunch, I was actually cornered by a workmate in the kitchen, who said, “don’t you know it’s rude to wear a hat indoors?”, to which I replied “am I offending you?”, to which he replied “erm … no”. Satisfied with the answer, I nodded, proceeded to rinse my dish, put it in the dishwasher, and returned to my desk. But the splinter of unrest had been edged between my cerebrum.
Out of curiosity (and, having been raised to never rest my elbows on the dinner table, to open doors for men and women, and generally bend at unnatural angles to make sure I’m not offending anyone within a 100km radius) I pondered the question, “why oh why did he find that so offensive?”. Surely my workmate’s delayed response revealed more to me about the situation than words had, and the words of my mother came echoing through my mind: “Jamie, take that hat off!”, “Jim Jim, put that hat somewhere!”, and “I love this new Nespresso machine!” – the latter perhaps because I’d just made myself a cup of Arpeggio, reminding me I had given mum a new machine for Christmas.
That aside, within moments of searching, I stumbled upon this website.
Now, as I have read the post, and the comments (and again, bravo! You’ve all done a smashing job at rustling some feathers!), I realised that the last twenty minutes of my life have both illuminated me, and disappointed me.
First, I have to get the issue of IQ off my chest. This ‘foreigner’ the article mentions may indeed have been – as my initial suspicions suggested – an inter-dimensional robot capable of determining within microseconds the IQ of an individual based on an ‘at-a-glance’ body scan. But I doubt it. Last I heard, the body-scanning-robot imbroglio had been quelled by a troupe of French acrobats turned superheroes (if you haven’t been to Cirque du Soleil, I highly advise it!). So they no longer exist.
More likely, it was some opinionated scoundrel looking to spread dogma about an outdated notion whereby one judges another based on appearance. Having had insults yelled in my direction many times on the street simply for holding someone’s hand, let me assure you, that’s not a nice practice. In fact, it’s far more offensive than wearing a hat indoors (surprising – yet true)!
This lead me to realising that I don’t believe wearing a hat, forward, backward, sideways or dipped in salad-dressing is in any way a determinier of IQ, though the latter may smell somewhat and should probably lead to psychiatric assessment.
As for courtesy. For the people that say they haven’t heard a good reason to wear a hat indoors, what about “because many things have changed since the middle ages and even the 1920’s, including the fact that men are no longer required to wear black-tie to dinner parties and women no longer wear corsets”. Personally I find my ruffled, unkept hair far more offensive than someone being reminded of “Miami ’78” (why do clothing items always state random years in such proud fashion)? Really, would you rather have a conversation with Frankenstein’s monster, or someone who is considerate enough to know you’d feel uncomfortable with their appearance? Are you insulted because you have an allergy to the fabric used in said hat, or are you simply uncomfortable that someone doesn’t have the same ideas about formality as you?
Yes, I’ll take it off at dinner if not just to please my mum. Yes, it’s probably not cool to have “DEMON ROCK X” emblazoned on your cap in church. Everything has been mentioned ad-nauseum here already (I will add to take it off when showering though – as many seem to have missed that one).
But honestly, can we not do better as people? Why judge people based on hats? Why stick so rigidly to things so outdated nobody understands them anymore? We are all capable of showing respect, being courteous, and preventing offense, let’s understand that nobody purposefully wishes to inflict the latter upon anyone else. Teach your kids what you like, and act as you will, but don’t judge others based on what they wear – unless they wear nothing at all to your house. That usually ends badly. We should all be perceptive enough after even a few years on this earth to know if someone is being rude on purpose or not, mostly, it’s ignorance to your rules that is the problem. If that’s the case, is it time to re-assess your rules?
This Monday past, I was asked to remove the hood on my winter jacket by the Mayor of my city (on a day barking -2 degrees). I’d just approached a podium to speak to the city council. I wasn’t going to let him throw my thinking off that easily…so I thought. But I did! Out of fear I followed his order. Even though I’d full intention to take it off myself thank you very much…Before every meeting he prays “Dear God. Send down upon us the ability to have integrity…”(quote) This is how he tawks.
What had happened was the man who spoke before me was making goofy pointless commentary about hoodies while wearing and was tirelessly wearing everyone out, they were begging him to finish up.
I don’t know why I thought it would be funny in retrospect, but it feels like he assaulted me. I was trying so hard to think about how I could make my point effectively in just 3minutes. I thought Id start out lighthearted, to try to gain some composure…really because I had some heavy stuff I wanted to speak delicately about (not far fetched to say life or death matters). But this mayor lives to eat people alive. I guess part if me wished I’d ignored him. But then what would be the point? This is how he throws people off the train of thought. Verbally and emotionally.
I did so remove my hood immediately because he seemed to turn red, start to loose his temper(before I had barely uttered a word).
Long story short there is a history to why ladies, women, girls are allowed to decide for themselves the fashion statement, or lack their of when deciding when and wear their hat makes them feel safe, protected, hover in the background…whatever her reason…a man snapping at her to remove it is vulgar, I’d even go as far as to suggest borderline violent.
I used to look amazing in hats. Now I look like funny cartoons. But that’s ok.
I was quite pleased to see this blog as perhaps you can help shed light on some of my questions.
I generally have no problems with the traditional rules of etiquette regarding the wearing of hats.
But I have had a health problem which has presented it’s share of headaches. For the last 15 years I have suffered from an extreme form of cold intolerance. If the ambient temperature is less than 80 degrees
I become ill after a certain time of exposure. And the one part of the body most quickly affected is the head. And in this modern day the air conditioner has become my number one enemy. So I have learned to keep my head warm at all times, except when temperatures exceed 85 degrees and I find I can remove my hat–and everyone else is putting their hats on to keep cool and out of the sun! I even had to get a doctors excuse so I could keep my hat on indoors during work.
My wife and I love to travel, so I have learned to carry a cheap wig I can throw on when visiting Cathedrals and churches.We do like to Cruise a lot and here is where some of the problems arise. For example, on Formal nights when wearing a Tux I have usually been able to get by wearing a Homburg in the dining room and when someone in the ship’s showroom or theater asks me to take it off, I say sure and throw on my wig and they usually realize there is a reason I wear a hat and apologize profusely. When Dancing on the ship, no-one has ever asked me to remove my hat. At some Formal British Teas when asked to remove my hat, I have either had a wig to throw on or took my hat off briefly and then put it back on in order to stay well. And when on Jury duty I have had to get permission from the judge to keep a hat on in the court room . I do have a couple of berets which I can wear at more casual dining experiences.
I truly don’t care whole lot what people think, but it truly is my handicap,
and for example, I would never think of asking an elderly person to give up their walking cane.
I think that there are more people with problems similar to mine,
and they simply stay out of public places for that reason — which I
choose not to do. But I do sometimes get tired of explaining why when people ask. I have even thought of putting a sign on my hat that says
“My Handicap”
Thankyou for shraing your thoughts
I was a bit disappointed that you chose not to respond to my problem, so here is a simple question. For those of us that become physically ill without having our heads covered, what is the proper head covering to be worn indoors with a tuxedo? I was told at the hat shop where I buy my hats that a Top Hat was the proper choice, but not to wear anything less than a Homburg. Thanks
I am a teacher at a K12 private Christian school and our dress code specifies that hats not be worn inside the building. However, my constant struggle with high school boys is their questioning WHY it’s considered impolite or inappropriate. They are so caught up in “fairness” and just today I had a boy ask why a girl could wear a head band but he couldn’t. Got any good answers to WHY? I’ve been searching for one my whole career and have yet to find one.
GAC: I understand your dilemma. Young people are constantly questioning guidelines they do not like. Nevertheless, what’s important is to always offer “some reasonable” response. Here’s my best shot: A) Fairness is in reality unto the beholder, based on what’s considered “etiquette” and a part of the culture in which you live. Why is it fair that Asians get to slurp their soup and westerners don’t? B) A head band is not a hat. There is nothing stopping a boy from wearing a head band if he chooses and for girls to wear certain hats that should equally be taken off indoors. C) Part of the “why” lies in history. Men used to be the primary fashion hat wearers in society—not women—both indoors and outdoors. When hats for women were first introduced, they were primarily fashion hats to complement their entire ensemble. As such women they were allowed to be worn indoors which still holds true til today. D) Girl’s today are allowed to wear all types of hats, including fedoras and baseball caps. If they do, they must equally remove them while indoors, same as boys. Most hats seen today are for outdoor wearing. As such it is not the etiquette for boys or girls to wear them indoors. E) The inequity as it appears that boys are not allowed to wear hats indoors and girls are. The real issue is until a men’s hat designer “invents” hats for men to wear indoors and sets a new fashion and trend, therein lies the inequity, if any. Men just don’t have indoor styled hats available to wear. They are primarily to wear outdoors. Again, if girls/women wear such hats, they too must take them off when indoors… that’s being fair! I hope this helps. Good luck!
Ironically, the decay of manners regarding questions of hats resulted from a trend to not wearing them at all started by President Kennedy. Now that men have been wearing them again, they need to learn the polite ways of doing so.
Now, I must say that it would be MUCH easier to be polite if restuarants and concert venues would step up and provide hat and coat check services, for which I would be happy to tip. I had a nice Irish wool cap which was stolen from me because I left it on an honor system coat rack at a restaurant. The adaptive strategy of hanging one’s jacket on the seat back does not work for overcoats, rain coats, nor for a hat.
I manage, despite these inconveniences, to remove my hat when necessary to avoid rudeness, even though I am from Ohio! The only time I feel comfortable wearing a hat indoors is if the space is unheated (such as a warehouse or garage), or if I am playing music onstage and the hat is part of a stage outfit. People who wear hats while eating indoors are not individualistic, they are rude. If my Ohio mother had ever seen me eating indoors with my hat on, she would have removed it, and told me to apologize for being disrespectful.
I am an agnostic, and I personally find religion to be fairly irrelevant, but I would never wear a hat inside a church, nor fail to wear one inside a Temple or synagogue that requires it. People who adapt a casual style need to understand that it does not apply everywhere. Even when I am wearing flip flops or no shoes at all when I walk into bar on the beach, I find it is not a problem to just take off my hat if I am wearing one. You strident snap-cap cultists don’t get to call me a snob just because my parents taught me to be civilized and respectful.
I agree that the requirements of politeness need to change regarding gender. Men sometimes wear hats purely for style, which is done in a less conformist way than in the past, yet if we are not barbarians, we take them off indoors. Women should do the same, and they should do the same when anthems are being played. Most national anthems are not long enough to cause wrinkles or skin cancer, even in the tropics. NO one should wear a hat in a cinema, concert hall, or theatre, least of all a tall man sitting in front of a shorter person, I’ve been on movie dates where we’ve had to move because my date couldn’t see over some dolt with a hat. If it had been a Pink Floyd concert in an arena, she might have ridden on my shoulders, but that isn’t an option in a sit down place.
In summation, rudeness is not modern, it is ignorant.
I wear a cowboy hat and you will hardly ever see me without it, except at church or more high class places and it’s acceptable where I live to wear your hat to dinner, to a dance, etc. But it is not ok to wear a hat inside a home. I guess some of there rules depend in where you are and the type of hat. IS this true?
Jon: When I watch old American cowboy movies, gentleman always removed their hats indoors, at dinner, in front of a women. Time has allowed men to become lazy to remove their hats in various situations. As a result, if it is the custom in your area to wear hats in certain situations, the lesson here is to be mindful where it is acceptable and where it’s not. This is etiquette. Point: Slurp soup in China, but not in the U.S.
AMEN. Times they are a-changin’. What used to be back so long ago was, to me, created to control people. We are now beginning to undo those ‘traditions’ and or ‘etiquette’ because what people were trained to believe about what we need to wear, see, do, say, when, where, and how is needed in order to free ourselves from…..control. Why should it matter who is wearing what, when, and how. I am 61 years old and find that all those rules are what have cause upset in many merely from everyone ‘agreeing’ and ‘disagreeing’. Anything that causes confrontation cannot be a good idea. If we all ‘allow’ ourselves to relax and let go of what someone else chooses to do, I truly believe we will all become much more at ease in living our OWN life. If we all just choose to stay in our own business and not expect anyone else to do something in order to NOT cause an upset then we can all go along our merry way of letting go of what anyone else chooses to do to make their own self happy. We all win. I’m willing to let go of what anyone else is doing in order to be happy so that I don’t have to be policing what is really not mine to police to begin with. Live and let live, that’s win win. And, no, the world will not go to pot if we do this, that would be fear running amuck for no good reason, we have bigger fish to fry than caring about who wears what, where and when.
I mean, who are we to really care what anyone else is doing, how they’re doing it, or when they do it? Think about it, really take ‘thought’ to that. And, where did you learn those beliefs from…..because you didn’t come in knowing this, you weren’t born with this, you ‘learned’ it. So what else do you think IS that…..isn’t? Think about it.
My brother suffered severe head trauma in January & a large piece of his skull had to be removed at the time of surgery to save his life. The skull flap was replaced, of course leaving a fairly prominent scar. He wears a baseball cap to cover it. Recently when going for lunch to a grill with our stepmother we had just sat down when she leaned across the table and said, “If you’re going to be in here with me, you have to remove your hat.” I felt like I’d been gut-punched. But, my brother obliged. Now I have this to say:
There was a young woman who was preparing an Easter meal for her new husband. He watched as she cut off both ends of a beautiful ham and put it in a baking pan. He asked why she did that, as he thought it rather wasteful. She replied that her grandmother and mother did it that way. He didn’t understand. So next time she was with her mother she explained the situation. Her mother chuckled and said, “Honey, we only did that because we didn’t have a big enough pan!” Why should we hang onto old customs “just because.” I care more about how I am treated by another individual than how they are dressed. Who they are inside is far more important than what they are wearing on the outside. And as long as someone is not causing harm to another person, disrespecting them or blocking their vision … I see no reason in the world why they shouldn’t be able to wear a hat or cap when and where they choose. Exceptions would be places of worship, formal occasions & upscale restaurants. I feel we need new rules of hat etiquette for this century.
Karen: Thank you for writing. The story about cutting the ham is one I’ve certainly known about for years and is a great example of outdated customs we no longer need to do. However, the wearing of hats isn’t the same. It is a most valid custom… based on the specific type of hat you are wearing. If you are wearing an outdoor style hat indoors, then this is inappropriate, period. In your brother’s situation, my best recommendation is to find an appropriate head covering that is appropriate to wear indoors. Typically for men they are forms of rimless caps in various types of cloth. Good luck!
I’m an older man who has a habit of wearing straw trilby’s in the summer and usually a homburg with a more modern narrow brim in the other seasons. I always remove my hat in a restaurant, in a home, when a woman is present, in any confined space with a woman present. Also tip my hat when passing a woman on the street who looks at me. (I haven’t been sprayed with pepper spray as of this date) I enjoy the old rules. I think they are not just polite, but actually fun. It gives me a good feeling of recognizing the presence of others.
I’m old school to a fault and enjoy being so. My question is about indoor shopping malls. I would take it off when I entered an actual store, but can I or should I wear it when in the large concourse that is designed to look out of doors? This is also a question for other indoor areas that are really covered outdoor venues. Such as your comments about airports.
If I can’t wear it there, it seems as if I should leave it in the car so I have more free hands to carry the lady’s bags. Which I always enjoy doing.[grin]
Thank you,
John
John E: Thank you for writing. Hats off to you for keeping old-fashioned courtesies alive, regardless of trends being otherwise. Indoor shopping malls when outside a store is considered public space. As a result it is perfectly acceptable to wear hats in these public areas. While it is again the old-fashioned custom to remove hats when in a specific store, this has also gone by the wayside. I agree with your thought to simply leave your hat in the car when going to an indoor mall. After all, isn’t this why they were invented in the first place… to help shoppers not have to be wearing hats, heavy coats, carrying umbrellas, etc. I even leave my sun glasses in the car whenever going to an indoor mall.
I have a follow-up question about shopping. (I have begun wearing a Panama hat, on advice of dermatologist, as peventative against skin cancer.). The hat-on in shopping mall makes sense as it is a public space, and a virtual hallway. Individual stores are a grey area? What if you need to use both hands to do the shopping, push a shopping cart? (examples: Costco, Wal-Mart, Target, Safeway, Tesco, and so on). I might guess hat-on. But a fancy shop (example: jewelry store) where you don’t necessarily need both hands, and there are counters where you might easily put your hat down: hat-off in these cases? Other venue questions: airport, train station, bus station, airplane hangar? I am guessing these are all public spaces, and hat-on?
Jim: When needing to use both hands to push a cart at a public store, you may keep it on or place the hat in the cart. When in a finer store, especially when in a shopping mall, you may leave the hat on. When visiting Tiffany’s, however, it is best to take the hat off and place it on the counter. Just make sure you don’t leave it (and be sure to hide your name and number in the hat, under one of the inside bands). Yes, airports and other public facilities you may leave your hat on.
Can I wear my hat in my own house?
Isaiah: Indeed, in your own home you may wear your hat to your hearts content, albeit well mannered guests may think it a bit strange… nevertheless, it’s your choice to do as you please in your own home.
I’ll be honest…
As a European I was extremely shocked when I visited America and saw men wearing hats indoors.
Sorry to be rude but it shows a complete lack of education.
Some kind of vulgar modernism.
Similar to Americans going into a sauna or steam room almost fully dressed.
Even in airports and other areas…The current trend of wearing baseball caps everywhere “to be cool” is some kind of American new trend that has come over to Europe.
All this applies to sunglasses aswell
Holy cow, people feel really strongly about their hat-wearing rights!
As far as I’m concerned you practice the local/social etiquette out of respect for the people you’re surrounded with, not because you’re being oppressed into wearing a hat.
If you’re going to wear a baseball hat to a fine dining establishment, fine. I doubt anyone is going to stop you, but don’t expect people to respect you when you’re blatantly disrespecting them by disrupting the atmosphere that they’ve chosen to be immersed in that evening.
DJ: Thanks for the comment. My add is when in a fine dining restaurant it would not surprise me the manager would ask the person to please take their hat off while entering the dining room.
This is a free world….telling someone to remove their hat is like telling a gay person to stop being gay…..we can do what we want…wear what we want shit!!! Life too short to have someone telling u what u should do….I wear a hat cause it my me feel good + it hide my funny shape head….If people worry about they damn self life would much better….and less depression
Removing your hat indoors is a sign of respect to the people around you and it is a man-made rule weather at church, during the national anthem or at a Denny’s. God never told anybody to take their hat off in church.
Refusing to remove your hat is like wearing a coat in somebody’s house. It implies that you are uncomfortable eager to leave.
The original custom comes from the fact that hats hide you features. Which indicates that you do not want to be identified and can not be trusted.
If you don’t want to take your hat off, don’t. Don’t shake hands, say thank you, or look people in the eye.
There is no law against being rude. Just don’t be upset when people judge you for it.
Hello everyone across “the pond”,
Coming from England rules & manners were drilled into us from a very early age(not that we didn’t rebel against them sometimes!)
My Mum and Dad wore hats, Dad would take his off when he entered someone’s house but not when he went into a shop and definitely not at a football match (too cold), he would also “tip” his hat when he spoke to a lady. He did take off his hat if eating out in a restaurant and would remove his hat for the National Anthem or if a funeral passed.
Mum wore a hat to go out and would keep her hat on whilst eating out during the day. Rules for women was much more relaxed.
The rules in England are much more relaxed now except at formal occasions although elderly folk will usually follow the rules above.
Regarding other points raised I do hold doors open for anyone following me or for someone struggling with kids or bags but I also agree with one of your writers about people just walking through without even saying thanks!
When I was younger I would always stand for someone on the bus, male or female if they needed the seat, nowadays I am at the age where people give me their seats and I always say thanks you.
So here is a little insight into hat wearing etc from England – from what I read not a lot different from you just more engrained by about 500 years.
Regards to all… Sue.
Grandma, I recognize that this is a blog regarding social etiquette, some people really believe in this hat rule, so to clarify my position on hats so that you may understand the motivation, I remove my hat for any religious ceremonies as it is God who is so gracious as to let me have the ability or choice to wear a hat. I remove my hat during the national Anaheim in respect for my fallen brothers and sisters who died in Combat or have sacrificed for the good of our beloved country, but I will not do it because of some man made rule that you must take your hat off indoors, this is a military rule. You remove your hat when you cross the threshold going indoors and put it on when you cross the threshold going outdoors. I no longer serve, but I do serve The Lord and my hat will follow his direction, not the military’s. No disrespect.
I did some research and found out that people wore hats to protect their hair from dirt and weather. If you wore a hat in someone’s house, it was like you were saying the person’s house is too dirty to take your hat off. It was ok for women to leave a “fashion” hat on because it was part of the outfit and often was pinned into the hair. It was not worn as protection for the hair, in fact rain bonnets were worn over the hat to protect it from wet weather.
I am a 31 year old female. My brother was taught to follow the hat rules, so I grew up knowing them as well. Some kids my age were taught not to care about it, other kids were taught like me. I didn’t notice this as much when I was a teenager, but when I was dating in my 20’s I sure did notice. I found that men who followed etiquette rules, not just the hat rule, were generally more respectful and thoughtful. Not always, but most of the time.
I don’t get upset and pissed off when I see someone wearing their hat in a place that I learned a hat shouldn’t be worn, but as I get to know the person it soon becomes clear if they just didn’t know it is rude, or if they just don’t give a crap. If you have an attitude that you are going to do what you want and who cares what other people are going to think, then don’t get upset when people think that you are rude or disrespectful. Remember it is a choice you are making.
Let me tell you something right quick — if someone feels like judging me because I wear a god-forsaken baseball cap indoors, I truly couldn’t give a flying poop WTF their opinion is of me. Is that clear?
Anyone that is that stuck on themselves where they think they have a right to judge my intelligence or my character because I choose to wear a ball cap indoors is not worthy to judge either of those things about me because they are superficial, self-absorbed jackasses themselves.
So…I don’t really care what you think about me wearing a ball cap indoors because it’s not valid.
And before you start, I also earned a post-graduate degree from one of the best universities in the United States, if not the entire Earth. I’d also be willing to bet I’m probably a lot higher on the bell curve than you are.
I guess people like you, John, are the kind who would fart and burp in public without saying excuse. Because that is what the people of the 50ties. You are the kind who don’t use a indicator when changing lanes, cause old people did that, now days people just know you are going to change. Why? Because you seems like the kind(type) who are unaware of common decency and polite ethics. Did you marry before you slept with a woman? I guess not too, cause the Voortrekkers did that, yes? Grow up, if you can’t, Atleast grow respect for yourself and you fellow humans.
Why do you consider it necessary to uncover in, church, for the national anthem or other, formal events?
What is it about those situations that you believe deserve more respect than other times?
Grandma: Most hat wearing traditions came from some historical situation that has been passed down through time. It’s not a matter of some situations deserving more respect than others, it’s simply a matter of what is customary within one culture to another. Case in point, there was a time most women wore gloves when out and about. Now, rarely do you see a woman wearing gloves, anywhere in the world. In my mind, you can never be wrong whenever choosing to take off your hat when in the company of others indoors… man or woman!
Seriously? Man made laws and rules regarding wearing a hat indoors. Sorry folks, no disrespect but this is by far one of the silliest things i ever heard. I will keep my hat on (except for church or national anthem or other formal events.) thank you but other than that I completely disagree with your take on this matter.
Somebody has problems with people wearing hats? Crazy people have problems with oeople wearing hats. Women and men are equal. We do not live in the fifties anymore. If you gave a problem with somebody wearing a hat, that is your problem. If someone wearing a hat makes you mad, then you need to control your anger. Go to esablishmemts that agree with your anti-hat wako ideas. This is purely religious and has nothing to do with respect. You can convince yourself it is a respect issue, bit you will be fooling yourself. Its more respectful to live and let live. Hats are trivial, don’t glorify them. We know pop culture glorifies hats. What a joke. Who comes up with this stuff. Oh yeah a religious zealot who likes to tell people what to do. Thanks but no thanks. We dont to need people fighting because you feel hats are bad indoors or outdpors or during national anthems. Dont be a sheep and victim of social proof.
You guys realize when you say “poor parenting” is offensive right?? This entire thread is a matter of opinion, and every culture has different traditions. There might be a civilization there it’s customary to take your shoes off in any indoor areas and they find it “offensive” that your wearing your dress shoes in the church, wedding, restaurant, or whatever. Non of you are right and non of you are wrong. It’s up to the person visiting your house to ascertain what your cultural rules are and do those out of respect. If you come to my house please leave your hats on, but do please take those dirty shoes off before you track animal fecal matter all over my lovely home… And whatever else your shoes pick up in public restrooms.
You guys realize when you say “poor parenting” is offensive right?? This entire threat is a matter of opinion, and every culture has different traditions. There might be a civilization there it’s customary to take your shoes off in any indoor areas and they find it “offensive” that your wearing your dress shoes in the church, wedding, restaurant, or whatever. Non of you are right and non of you are wrong. It’s up to the person visiting your house to ascertain what your cultural rules are and do those out of respect. If you come to my house please leave your hats on, but do please take those dirty shoes off before you track animal fecal matter all over my lovely home… And whatever else your shoes pick up in public restrooms.
I don’t believe all hat etiquette should be followed unless there is a practical reason out of consideration.
When a man walks with a girl on a sidewalk, the man is supposed to walk between the woman and the road. This rule has a practical basis in consideration for the woman. In case a car swerves off the road, the man will get hit instead of the woman. So, this rule makes sense…out of courtesy.
But hat etiquette is not based on any practical courtesy. Removing a hat has NO PRACTICAL benefit in being courteous or considerate to anybody. These rules are only based on only what has become a custom.
For this reason, I think men should be able to wear hats whenever they want. And there is no logical reason for anybody to be offended by a hat unless it smells like shit.
I was recently attended a wedding. For the trip there, for the part outside, I word my hat. I took it off for the indoor wedding ceremony (Boat House in Central Park, NYC). Back outside, I wore the hat. We went back inside for dinner, there were no empty chairs to place it on, the waitstaff had no place to put it, so I wore it. I received multiple compliments on the hat, but also comments from two people because I was wearing the hat indoors. In NOLA, where I purchased the hat, it was not unusual to see people wear hats inside in restaurants.
This wasn’t a cap, it’s an expensive Stetson straw hat. Fashionably, it went with the suit. What should I have done with the hat?
Dear Jim B: Thank you for writing. You appeared to have learned that regardless of what other people may do wherever you are, it’s not something you necessarily have to follow… as in the case of folks in your area typically wearing hats indoors.
I understand the dilemma and commend you for all the effort you took to “not” wear a hat indoors. Among the choices for the future include… and depending on your own preferences: Place the hat under your own chair for safety from getting crushed by others. If you don’t prefer it being on the floor, bring a handkerchief/cloth to lay on the floor first; Locate a place in the room to place it safely… can’t imagine the boat house didn’t have a coat closet or hook someplace; or request the waitstaff person take the hat to keep it safe. The key is not to place it at the center of the table and as you learned… not to wear it. Good luck!
Stephanie,
What you were taught is correct if the lady in question is wearing a lady’s dress hat. Baseball caps and the like were were designed for men. As a result, men’s rules apply. Now, let’s say you decide to show up at a sporting event like Royal Ascot or Wimbledon in an elegant day or summer dress complete with a dress hat, nobody in her/his right mind would take offence. On the contrary, you would not be permitted to enter the Royal enclosure without a hat. The same rule applies for gentlemen, except that they wear a top hat, which comes off when they enter a building or meet a member of the Royal family. Troublemakers, including dress code violators, are taken away by security.
P.S. I think you are quite correct in your assessment that most people just don’t know any better. Those who defy etiquette and manners deliberately are in the minority and should be ignored.
I think people just don’t know what the etiquette is, not intentionally being an ass by being rebellious. Poor parenting, teaching, or society in general. I was always taught a woman may always wear a hat, regardless of situation and it is rude to ask her to remove it. Apparently not the case.
Who invented that “hat off” rule? How did it started?
Wait! If your Minnie Pearl you leave the tag hanging out! However, a woman who buys a hat should know which end is the front and which is the back. the Tag should have nothing to do with it. Some tags are on the right or left so It”s better to identify the front and back before you buy it.
Dear Bob Rollins: Thank you for the post. I agree if “you’re” Minnie Pearl you always leave the tag out which was a part of her “character image.” Also, a person should always ask a salesperson how a hat should be worn… according to the original designer. Yet also in today’s society many people go against norm and wear items according to their own sense of style and image… as you choose to defy conventional norm… yet it’s all about when to do something and when not to do it, depending on where you are.
My question is about dress hats with a tag inside. Does the hat go on with the tag to the back of the head? Or do you wear it any way you’d like? Especially those with feathers or a design where does that go? Just wondering….I love hats and want to make sure I’m wearing them right.
Annette: To my knowledge labels are generally worn on the back and is also an indicator which is the backside. All hats are designed and intended to be worn a specific way; however and of course the wearer may choose to wear it any way they choose. When wearing feathers and designs, my best suggestion is to ask the sales person who sold you the hat how to best wear the hat. Most designers and manufacturers will show sales staff how to then show customers the best way to wear their hats. Since you like hats—and I admit I rarely wear them—you may want to bring your hats into a millinery store to have them show and educate you about hats and hat wearing. They are the experts.
Well I am posting some insight to my original question I posted a couple of years ago. First, let me say this is one of the most controversial blogs I have been involved in.
Disclaimer: Because of the large amount of posts i will honestly say i have not read them all so i apologize if i am repeating an earlier post.
My original question that got me involved in this discussion was, Why is it improper or disrespectful to wear a hat inside?
I was speaking with a gentleman in the men’s fashion industry and i asked him that question. He basically said that a lot of our tradition comes from the English since our country was first developed by mostly English. It was disrespectful to be in the presence of the King wearing a hat. That’s it.
So unless there is a King present, I will probably still wear a hat indoors at times. Well, even if a King is present…
I have a condition called alopecia areata and I wear a hat to cover up a big bald spot in the back of my head. To me it’s embarrassing . Would this be OK for me to wear a hat ?
Joe: Absolutely, it’s fine for you to wear a hat indoors or out. The key is wearing a hat that is appropriate to the place and environment you are in. The emphasis to this article was merely to point out certain hats are meant for outdoor wearing and should not be worn indoors. Have fun finding hats you will enjoy wearing at all times. In fact have fun having one or more custom hats made just for you!
My daughter is seeing a man that she says is a true cowboy. I am not sure what that means. He was going to join the entire family (none of us had met him) on Christmas Day. When we entered my daughters home he was sitting on the couch with a cowboy hat (large) on. I did not say anything but I could not believe he kept hi hat on all day except when we ate. Your thoughts?
Dear Sylvia: I was pleased to read the man did take his hat off during dinner. Did he put his hat back on after dinner?… just curious. In our home it is a guideline not one wear outdoor hats indoors… especially a cowboy hat which was invented for outdoor wearing. That said, when I am in someone else’s home, it is not up to me to say anything… after all it’s their home. From this perspective you did well. People are allowed to do whatever they choose in their own home. The most—if you are so compelled—is to mention this to your daughter, because it was in her home this took place. Historically, good and bad cowboys were always depicted as having the best manners, by always removing their hats in the company of ladies and in someone’s home. The only time I remember cowboys kept their hats on was a saloon. I would suggest the cowboy in your daughter’s life watch a few old TV shows, such as “Bonanza” and “The Big Valley” for pointers on cowboy manners. Good luck!
is this article a satire or something? this article aggravates me… it’s like yall hate people to have some creativity. Who cares if someone wears there hat crooked or backwards…
Lol: Yes, we do live in a country where as long as something is not against the law you may do as you please. This article was merely pointing out subtleties to readers—who may not be as aware—so they have a choice of adhering to time-honored etiquette, or not. It is all up to the individual to make those choices and when they do, to understand the potential positive or negative consequences.
Lol: Yes, we do live in a country where as long as something is not against the law you may do as you please. This article was merely pointing out subtleties to readers—who may not be as aware—so they have a choice of adhering to time-honored etiquette, or not. It is all up to the individual to make those choices and when they do, to understand the potential positive or adverse consequences.
Lol: We do live in a country where it citizens are free to do as they please… as long as it isn’t against the law. The article is merely to share a perspective to consider. Thereafter the choice is yours whether you want to agree and do as the article describes, or not, and be fully informed of any consequences when making the wrong choice.
From the research I’ve read, hats were taken off in the 19th century b/c they were used to minimize the dirt/dust that would get into a person’s hair. This was common in large cities where coal dust was prevalent and outside from doing farm work, living in the West, etc. The last thing you wanted was to sit down at the dinner table and get dirt/dust in your mashed taters.
Flash forward 150 years and this isn’t an issue any more. Hats such as ball caps, beanies, etc. are worn as a sense of fashion, preference, fan loyalty, etc. It’s not an indoor/outdoor issue. To ask someone to take their hat off at the table b/c of some outdated sense of “etiquette” is idiocy.
Val, there are 3 wars being waged in the USA right now. Pretty much everything else you said is agreeable, but i gotta correct you on this even though it has very little to do with the subject at hand. The military has its own relation on hat wearing anyhow, and anyone disrespectful enough to correct a serviceman without being in the chain of command somewhere is just ignorant beyond belief. Hats are personal accessories and exhibit a person’s personality, how that’s interpreted by anyone else is their problem.
Daniel: I did not find Val’s comments to which you were responding. This message is to address the issue about hats exhibiting a person’s personality. Yes it is. However, if the hat the person is wearing was designed and intended for outdoor use, then the person should take it off while indoors… whether a man or woman and whether it is considered fashionable by the individual person. Being in “fashion” does not make it right.
This rule is stupid. I’ve even read where it’s okay for women to wear a hat at the table but not for a man. Wow, no bias there.
More importantly, please explain WHY it’s rude for a guy to wear a hat at the table? Is it because of religious reasons, political, socioeconomic, etc.? Saying “Because that’s the way it is”, or “Because etiquette says so” doesn’t fly. My parents grew up in an age when minorities had to sit at the back of a bus or gays weren’t allowed to marry because “that’s the way it’s done”. Prescribing a rule upon someone where you can’t back it up with a legitimate reason, or even worse, singling out one gender vs. another is idiotic.
Augie: You and others have missed the point of the article. It is not saying anyone is “never” to wear hats indoors. It’s more about what type of hat is to be worn. Historically men only wore outdoor head coverings which in this instance makes them inappropriate to wear indoors. Again, historically women wore fashion hats to accompany the entire outfit she is wearing. In this century, most women do not wear fashion hats and men do have appropriate indoor hats. Also, both men and women often must wear hats indoors for religious and medical reasons. The bottom-line to the article is how baseball caps, fedoras, and other “outdoor” type hats should not be worn indoor and for every reader to consider doing this out of respect and courtesy. Beyond this, it is up to the individual to choose how s/he wants to behave and to be perceived in society… which we call etiquette.
It’s a piece of cloth on your head. It makes impressions on people. It creates a massive comment list on a random page on the internet… but it’s more than that. You will rarely see me without a hat. I do not ask others to remove clothing or make up or earrings or anything else from their body. There is no actual harm caused by wearing a hat in front of someone who doesn’t like hats. And if I went around life doing all I could not to offend people I would have to lock myself down in my house.
Sorry, my comment was more towards the other comments, rather than the article. I don’t agree with your points – but I respected your opinion and read it with the best subjectivity I could 🙂 Thank you for creating a strong discussion on hats.
Lord knows we need a renewed level of respect and politeness in this world. However, the extremity of the “rules” in this blog are slightly if not grossly overstated; particularly the undertone of a baseball cap somehow being more offensive than any other type of hat.
There are certainly times and places to remove ones hat: national anthems, formal affairs, religious locations, nice restaurants…etc. However, the socially acceptable rules aren’t quite as simplistic as the author would have you believe. Times, social views, and customs, do change and in this case have done so.
I have been in the military, I am an Eagle Scout, I am highly educated (Masters of Finance), and yet I wouldn’t worry about, or even expect to, offend anyone by wearing my hat (lord forbid a baseball cap at that) while eating at an informal location (e.g., McDonalds, Chipotle, In-N-Out..etc). Wearing a hat would also not be offensive or disrespectful when walking into my buddies home (who probably has a hat on also), or even at the movie theater (particularly as long as it WAS a baseball cap as it does not obstruct the view of those behind). Moreover, 99% of those under 45, perhaps even 50, and a large number of even those under 65, would not take any offense, or probably even notice, in any of these situations. In fact many of them would be doing the same or would not hesitate to do the same on another day.
To say customs of respect and acceptability don’t evolve would be synonymous with saying women should not be allowed to vote, whites and blacks should still be segregated and certainly not have a mixed relationship, and women should follow behind their men and not speak unless spoken to in mixed company…etc., all in the name of respect and social acceptability.
So, in the name of renewed respect and etiquette let us concern ourselves with that which really matters, like how we speak to and actually treat one another, as opposed to outdated gestures of flourishment.
Don’t get me wrong, as I said before, it is certainly time for a renewed level of respect and etiquette in this world. However, let us focus on the “please(s)”, “thank you(s)”, “how do you do(s)”, “may I help you with that(s)”, “after you(s)”, “yes & no sir(s) and mam(s)”…etc.; as well as pulling our heads and faces out of our phones and devices to actually interact with one another once again, and not worry about something that doesn’t affect you directly like the color of another’s skin, ones sexual orientation, and especially not whether or not one is wearing a hat in a informal setting.
Your comments about the military are in error.
Military in uniform (Dress or otherwise) will NOT wear any headgear indoors unless they are “under arms” on in a ceremonial position (Color Guard).
This has not changed in many years.
As with Scouts, should be similar, but depending on where you are and their unit, rules may differ. Most have no clue.
Or you could set it in the chair beside you, leave it in your vehicle upon entering the establishment, or, since you’re going out to dine and taking it off anyway, simply not wear one.
I waited tables when I was much younger, and know I would prefer not to be made the bearer of responsibility for another’s garments, simply because I’m charged with bringing them food.
Thanks
I’ve been shot down!
Mike is right. My thinking in giving my hat to a waitress was based on the idea that because the restaurant didn’t provide a hat-check or even a post to hang it on makes it’s care their problem to deal with. But since hats are rarely worn any more, I can see that a restaurant has no obligation to provide for the hat’s care and it’s still my problem?
Thanks, Mike.
Richard’s comment above is interesting, as not wearing a hat while dinning shows a concern for not wanting to be rude, but yet, would hand said hat to the “waitress” making it that person’s problem to deal with.
Now days, they are called servers, not personal coat-check girls. They bring you food, to treat them as if they should be responsible for the clothing you wish to discard it rude, and negates the principles of etiquette you were attempting to uphold. The server is there for your dining experience, to use your position as a customer for services outside their job title is rude.
If there is a hostess at this eatery, then ASKING POLITELY of the hostess if they have a place you could shelve your hat while dining would be acceptable, if the answer is “no” then hold your hat, wear your hat, or go to another establishment, but do NOT expect anyone, or put anyone in the position of, having to touch your hat! it’s a personal item, and without knowing their daily grooming routine, I would not want to touch another’s hat, and would not assume someone would want to touch mine.
Reading these comments, it truly believe we need updated rules of etiquette, as some rules now seem sexiest and rude in of themselves
Fair enough! I too do not hesitate to give up my seat to anyone I feel could benefit from sitting more than myself, on a bus, especially (as in almost always) a crowded airport tram or waiting area.
I’ve always held entry doors open for other people coming in behind me (those that do not take the door from me as they pass through, and instead, just keep walking with their hands at their side as if I were their personal doorman truly irk me to the point of wishing I’d let it hit them in the first place, but most are polite and say thank you as they take the door).
Conversely, I also would find it very awkward to open a car door for a female coworker, I feel that action could easily be miss-read and also find what’s socially acceptable in the work place is good practice in general society. I completely embrace the idea of empowered women, with the power to open their own car doors.
What do you say to wearing a hat when dining al fresco? I take mine off, and put it on the floor if there’s no coat room, or give it to the waitress to deal with if they haven’t provided one, but I really don’t know the etiquette of the situation.
Richard: Dining al fresco—outdoors—is a gray area, depending if there is any shade over your head. If there is a nice canopy/gazebo, then your methods would be the right thing to do. However, I have been to outdoor dining rooms where the sun is beating down over me I would say wearing a baseball or other hat may be appropriate. There are exceptions to all guidelines.
Oh hey der, what about the ole’ Raccoon hat? Up here in Minnesota, we have to keep our heads wam. This one time… I saw this guy’s ear fall off because it was so cold.
What do you think?
Dear Lord Scott: I totally agree wearing the ole’Raccoon hat outdoors to keep your ear from falling off is important; however, still would like to think that the indoors would be warm enough to take it off. If not, than this may be the exception in being allowable. Stay warm!
Bob, your answer above seems a bit sexist. Equal pay and equal opportunity kind of puts men and women on more level ground. I would never open a car door for a lady, nor would I take off my cap for a lady, While that may seem terribly rude to you, I feel it would be rude otherwise. Women are empowered, not the mindless possessions of by-gone eras, but fully integrated individuals.
Mike: You are a bit mixing apples and oranges in the analogy about equal pay for men and women as being the reason you would not take off your hat or open a door for a woman. By today’s more modern standards taking off your hat and opening a door for someone has nothing to do with being sexist. It’s more about choosing to show someone else a little kindness and courtesy. As a woman, I have often opened doors for men and women and I have taken off my hat when indoors. I have stood up from a seat on a bus to give it to an elderly man or woman. Showing respect and courtesy is showing you care about someone else more than yourself is truly the point.
There will always be those who only think of themselves because that is the way they wound up after ignoring manners. You do not remove your hat to make you feel good. You remove your hat out of respect for women. I can only imagine what my mother went through for 9 months. Any woman who carried a child or might do so, deserves that kind of respect. I am so sorry there are many who have no clue as to what respect is. When you are in doors, you remove your hat. This only applies to men. I’m thinking some want me to say, Married men who have children? That is stupid! Some people seem to think they are on this earth to only please themselves and not show respect to anyone. Especially women. I feel sorry for those individuals who are so muddled. A hat on a man’s head indoors is like flipping the bird to women. So there! I said it!
@Mike, if you watch Mad Men, that will give you an idea as to how men wore their hats.
Personally, as a fedora wearer during the cold months, I take my hat off upon entering the office, not the building.
Because cultural standards have changed, and not always necessarily for the better, there are still many of us who adhere to time-honored traditions.
What I find fascinating is, as a former veteran, and as baseball caps have become commonplace over the past 30 years or so, I see many older veterans wearing their caps inside eating establishments…WWII, Vietnam, etc. I’m a Gulf War vet.
Because these gentlemen come from an older time when tradition meant something, I’m amazed. Maybe because the baseball cap isn’t given the same consideration as other headgear.
Some years ago, my wife and I went into a restaurant. A fairly nice eatery in NYC. Feeling a bit of disregard for tradition, I wore my baseball cap inside to my table.
My wife told me to take it off. “No,” I replied, “everyone does it.”
Not a moment later, the maitre’ d, comes over and requests I doff my cap.
I sheepishly comply, knowing full well, it was out of character for me in the first place; thus giving my wife the satisfaction of scoring another social point on her husband.
Darn that woman. 🙂