We all know we will not live forever (at least not as of 2018). Nevertheless, many people have a difficult time thinking about, discussing, and doing anything about this eventuality.

What if you died suddenly today? How well prepared are you? Do you have all your proper documents and information in order, so someone named by you can access and settle your estate following your death?

I used to think I didn’t have an estate or even any property. Yet, I learned all this meant is “all the stuff I own,” regardless of the number of items and their value, individually or collectively. We all have possessions to handle and dispose of when we die. Who would you want to give whatever is left in your bank account(s), your next-to-new fishing jacket, or that treasured wall hanging made by a favorite relative? What’s worst is having family and friends argue over who should get this or that.

When my Dad passed away in 2008, it was my wake-up call to get my affairs together. Ever since then, my husband Ron and I have had greater peace of mind, knowing if something suddenly happened to either of us, the survivor will be able to easily gain access to all information to properly handle.

So why am I choosing to discuss this topic now?  We all think we’ll have time to get death related items done; yet, truth is we might not.

A few weeks ago, a new friend suddenly died of a seizure while sitting at his desk at work. He was a terrific man who rode his bike to work each day, was in good health, happily married for 25+ years, with two children. What makes this story especially tragic was he did not have a properly executed will* and living trust*, and no extra life insurance beyond his company health insurance. As a result your family and relatives will have to go through probate. (Also at: https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/what-is-probate)

Here’s eight tips to get your death in order A.S.A.P.:
1. Make a will and living trust: Having a last will and living trust executed is the major item and focus of this article. These are especially important when your death takes place unexpectedly. If you don’t know (as I didn’t at first) there is a difference between a will and living trust, as explained here. (Also at https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/will-vs-living-trust-whats-best-for-you).

Keep in mind that when it comes to this seemingly tedious task, what’s key is “something is better than nothing.” If you are young, single, and without any real property, perhaps drafting your own will and trust, via an online site, may be sufficient… yet it should be done. However, once married—and especially when you have children—and you own real property, it is best to engage an estate-planning attorney to have all documents properly prepared.

2. Get information in order. Start by taking one hour soon to set up a special folder in your computer or in a paper cabinet file. Here is where you will house all documents and information. Please, if you haven’t started it before, do it now! This same information will be handy for many purposes… as in the ABCs of Emergency Preparedness kit I wrote about back in 2017 (Also at: https://www.advancedetiquette.com/2017/11/the-abcs-of-emergency-preparedness/) Much of the information can be the same.

3. Make a list of online passwords: I’ve heard how a family member couldn’t get into any of the deceased’s accounts, because the deceased didn’t safely document their passwords. Put together a centralized list of all accounts and passwords for the software, online social media, and websites you use. Keep them up-to-date (meaning when the system requests new passwords, you erase old ones) in a small notebook or secure online platform, such as Dropbox or Evernote.

4. Gather your financial information. Make a list of all bank and other financial accounts. I’ve heard stories that when a spouse dies, the remaining spouse didn’t know the deceased had a secret bank account, until the end of the year, when the bank sent an end-of-the-year tax statement. Without a will* or trust*, the remaining spouse will have to go through probate to gain access to that account. Please don’t make it difficult for your loved ones, friend or executor to properly gain access to your estate.

5. Keep all important documents in a safe place. Back up the folder in your computer by putting it on a thumb drive or perhaps in Dropbox (a free site), where you can share and direct others to access it when needed.

Among the top documents to have for the Trust include:

• Birth certificate
• Government IDs, such as a Passport, driver’s license, etc.
• Insurance papers: Home, auto, health, and other insurance policy names, contact info and policy numbers
• Banking and other financial accounts, contact info, and account numbers
• Living Trust, Will, Power of Attorney, Medical Directive and other documents. Once drafted, be sure to send a copy of your Power of Attorney and Advanced Health Care Directive to the person(s) named in those documents.
• Medical information, a list of all health insurance companies, types of doctors and their contact info.
• Medications previously taken and dosages

6. Create an Advanced Health Care Directive and Power of Attorney. At any age, both these items should be executed.  In fact, the next time you visit a hospital for any reason, ask someone in Admissions for a health care directive form. Or, in its simplest form, obtain a form through the California Medical Association at www.cmanet.org, titled: Advance Health Care Directive Kit.

7. Make a list of primary contacts. This list contains telephone numbers and email addresses of close friends and relatives (professional and personal), who can help spread the word of your death, and assist with any arrangements necessary.

8. Final arrangements: Perhaps this is the hardest to discuss, yet is the most crucial. It is important to state how you would like your body to be buried, cremated, donated to science research, and the like; whether you would like any charity to receive any donations in your name in lieu of flowers, and any other wishes you may have upon your death.

Conclusion: The etiquette of death is all about caring enough about your family, relatives, and friends who will be taking on the tasks of processing your death and estate to be less burdensome and stressful. It’s not an easy subject to think about, yet an extremely important one to every living adult person.

Please share:  If you’ve had experience in this situation, what other tips do you have to share that can help others avoid the hardships of probate and other problems.

Happy Practicing!