Spring is upon us, Easter is coming soon, and baseball season is about to begin here in the U.S. It is the time of year many people wear all sorts of hats until winter hats are again needed. Actually, this topic has been on my mind for months, waiting for just the right month to do it, and here it is!
Indoors: So… how can I say this nicely without yelling in all capital letters: No man or woman, young or old, should ever, ever, ever, ever wear a sports hat — especially a baseball cap—indoors. Not in restaurants, in someone’s home, at the dining table, at church, a funeral, in a classroom, in a museum, at a movie or performance theatre… on and on. There is absolutely no purpose to keeping your hat on… not even when you are having a bad hair day or need to cover up a bald spot on your head. It’s all about when it’s proper or not proper to wear a hat. It’s purely out of laziness and a false sense of looking cool and in fashion… not! There is equally nothing cool about wearing your baseball cap backward… again especially indoors.
Except In Public Places: You may wear a hat indoors (yeh… even a baseball cap if you absolutely must) in public buildings, such as airports, public lobbies, and crowded public elevators. However, historically a gentleman will always remove his hat when a lady enters or is in the same elevator. We don’t see this much anymore. When in an apartment building, even though somewhat public, gentlemen will take off their hats while in the company of ladies… another dying art.
[SIDE BAR: A foreign visitor kept seeing Americans wearing their baseball caps indoors, and at times backward. He determined this style indicated a direct correlation to the wearer’s apparent I.Q (intelligence quotient). Wearing a baseball cap indoors meant an I.Q. was reduced by 50%. Wearing the cap backward meant an I.Q. was reduced by another 50%… so what’s left? These findings make total sense to me.]
During a Pledge or National Anthem: Another major peeve of mine is how men and women don’t take off their hats and caps during the playing of a national anthem. Regardless of which country’s anthem is played, hats must come off, period. Parents… please train your kids!
During a Prayer at a Ceremony or Event: Display your respect and take off your hat.
In Places of Worship: Some places of worship require head coverings for both men and women, such as Muslim mosques and Sikh temples. Do your research or ask someone before entering such places of worship. Women should always pack one large scarf and one long skirt when traveling internationally for such a need to cover their heads. I sure needed them in both Mexico and Greece.
At a Church: Historically churches required women to wear hats or scarves. Now, it is not as required. However, some churches encourage women to wear hats, and in some places, it has become quite a lovely display across the entire sanctuary. It is considered disrespectful for men to wear hats in a Christian church.
At a Jewish Synagogue or Temple: Men are required to cover their heads with a “yarmulke,” a small round skullcap, also called a “kippah,” meaning dome or cupola. There is great symbolism and deep meaning behind wearing a yarmulke. Observant men wear theirs during all waking hours, except when bathing and swimming. Doing so bears witness to their faith. It’s a constant reminder of their humility before God and strong belief in something greater than themselves.
How to Take off a Hat: When taking off your hat, hold it so only the outside of the hat shows, not the inside and lining. Hold it in your right hand across your chest and heart, or place it on your seat while standing tall and respectfully.
Exceptions
People in Uniform: People in the military, Boy Scouts, police, and people in other uniformed organizations keep their hats on during “full dress.” Many other interesting regulations about hat-wearing in the military exist, so hat etiquette is a required course in the military.
People with religious and medical requirements. In this instance, people will choose specific head coverings that may be worn anywhere, indoors and out.
Women’s Fashion Hats: Traditionally, women wearing fashion hats are not required to take them off when indoors. That said, unless they are small and tight around the head, they too should be removed when at a dining table. at a theatre, sporting event, or other places where they may hamper someone’s view or be disruptive to others. Large hats are generally for the outdoors, not indoors. Think hat civility!
Question of the month: Have you ever been the subject of or a witness to someone being disrespectful or rude by wearing their hat inappropriately? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Enter your comments and questions below for me to reply.
Happy Practicing!
Hi Syndi,
So glad that you wrote this article. Just recently I was with my mother at the dentist office, while she was getting fitted for some dentures. (She is 93) While I was waiting, a man about in his 60’s and a younger boy about in his teens, walked in and sat down. I think the younger boy had an appointment, and the older man had brought him. Anyway, the older man was wearing this large brown cowboy hat, and the younger boy wasn’t wearing any hat at all, Thank God! The entire time they sat there in the waiting room, the older man NEVER took off his stupid cowboy hat. I thought that was disgusting. It was as if that hat was Glued to his head. In my opinion, I think he should have removed his hat and either put it in his lap, or hung it on the coat rack in the office. But NO! He just kept that stupid hat on. On the flip side, a few years ago, my mother and I were in a church watching a relative performing in a concert. There was this younger boy about in his teens, sitting in one of the pews wearing a baseball cap. He was with some relatives, maybe his parents, etc. But the entire time he was there, he NEVER removed his cap. I thought that was rude too! There Must be some law or regulation that prohibits the male species from wearing any type of hat inside public places. I can understand men of the Jewish religion wearing their caps. But that’s an exception. As for men of other religions, I think they should be prohibited from wearing their hats indoors at any public OR private place. I think I’ll post your article on one of my blogs and Facebook page to alert all the men about when and where to wear their hats. Thanks again for posting this! 🙂
What a great conversation. I wish there was always such a lively exchange when the hats off rule comes up — most people usually just comply with a request to remove their hat because they don’t want to cause trouble or draw attention. And in almost every case, complying is to your benefit (just like supporting or ignoring sexual harassment or fraud at work is to your overwhelming benefit in most cases). But more people are wondering why they should comply and are rightfully questioning the specious idea of the kind of “gentlemanly” conduct best embodied by the likes of Bill O’Rielly (keep that in mind, ye womenfolk who long for olden times). Just like women have stood up for themselves and their right to dress how they like despite attempts to put them in their place and shame them. Hopefully “gentlemanly” will go the way of “ladylike,” a term you now shame women with at your own severe peril. Etiquette and custom have to be continually revised, throwing out the bad, preserving the meaningful, and adding new where necessary. We need to beware of confusing the ritualistic with the ethical and the good. If anything the pro-hat-rule crowd here is making arguments that resemble O’Reilly or Glenn Beck’s anti-gay marriage screeds from 7 years ago. The world hasn’t fallen apart since gay marriage has been legalized, and wearing hats isn’t going to cause the decline and fall of the modern world.
Three things are clear from this forum. Most importantly, unless you have a religious reason to wear a hat, you often have no express right to wear a hat and should realize that you should be prepared and willing to fight if you want to wear a hat in certain places. It could cost you relationships, your job, etc and the anti-hat people are OK inflicting that damage on you and blaming you for not accepting their rule. A workplace could be filled with fraud and crime, yet a hat Nazi might decide to single out the law-abiding, kindly hat-wearer before all else. The hats off rule is embedded in American culture and at least some European cultures. If you go to court, you are almost certainly going to have to go hatless (though Hulk Hogan got around this with a dew rag), just like you’ll probably have to swear on the Bible even if you are an atheist. Same for most pre-k-12 schools (without the Biblical sidedish in most cases, even if Corinthians is the most solid authority for no hats). Restaurants also apparently have a right to have a dress code that prohibit hats — and then why not tattoos, non-traditional piercings, certain kinds of shoes, women with pants or traditionally male clothes, etc?
Second: hat rules are arbitrary and no one knows for sure where our hats-off custom came from, though it may well be from a reading of Corinthians, which makes the hats-off rules a Christian rule that should be illegal to apply in courts and schools. However, the Pope and bishops wear elaborate headgear. Same in Orthodox Christianity. Sikhs, Muslims, Orthodox Jews, and many others wear hats 24/7. Photos of American school children from a few generations ago show that young pupils were forced to wear cloth caps (and to learn how to box and that women’s place is in the kitchen). To be offended by someone wearing a hat is to be a cultural imperialist in a society that is now supposedly devoted to diversity. To harken back to the golden days of the 1950s and such with men holding car doors open for women and doffing their caps is to be ridiculously anachronistic and borderline misogynistic. Worse it’s foolish. These were not glory days for women and all the false tokens of respect only underline how little women were really respected.
Third: the rationales given by the anti-hat crowd are desperate attempts to justify a failing argument that they love solely because of tradition, a misguided deference to an illusory bygone time, or because its been beaten in to them. If it’s a good argument to say that men’s hats were not originally invented to be worn indoors and thus should never be worn indoors (an unsupported and unprovable argument) or that a baseball cap is designed for baseball or sports and not to be worn inside, then the same applies to any number of articles of clothing, including running shoes, watches (if you’re inside you can use the indoor clock), t-shirts, any coat (including suit coat), etc. And yet the anti-hat crowd chooses to get most upset about hats when other articles of clothing violate their supposed rules just as much. Perhaps I could invent the equally specious argument that make-up was invented for men in theatre performances and so women should not wear it since it was not originally devised for them to wear? Or that a hermit crab should not be allowed to live in a shell since that shell was created by another creature for itself? Or maybe more pertinent — maybe men shouldn’t be allowed to use propecia to prevent hairloss since the originally use of the drug was for prostates.
I didn’t see one compelling argument here for a hats-off rule except that someone has a right to be a bigot in their home, whether that’s racial bigotry or hat-bigotry. Of course, one should always remove dirty shoes when entering a home, and if your hat is dripping mud or sweat the same there.
I can near guarantee that some of the respect-the-dress-code-of-the-people-around-you anti-hat people here would not comply with the dress customs of the tribes of Papua New Guinea, or a nudists colony if they suddenly found themselves in their midst. What would they say if a nude chieftain became offended that they were covering their breasts? Would they think it disrespectful, selfish and self-centered if they refused to disrobe? Or would they suddenly find the arguments of hat wearers more compelling?
Thanks for so much information I’m enjoying reading your blog. I have a question regarding wearing a hat inside a shrine of remembrance ( Australian Shrine of Remeberance) for WWI, I wear men’s hats generally and sometimes a small pageboy cap and wondered if the rules similar to attending Church apply here. The shrine is also Museum and educational centre with indoor and outdoor spaces for reflection. I would need to remove it once Anthems and prayers begin but what about if I’m looking at the exhibitions only and in the gardens at a wreath ceremony?
Cheers mate
Bess: I am not as familiar with Australian Shrine customs. Yet, to keep things simple: a) Always make every effort to learn about specific customs, before attending any service or special building, and follow its guidelines. b) Removing your head covering of any kind (unless restricted by other religious/or other guidelines), it is generally a good habit to always take off your hat.
It’s an archaic rule. I had brain surgery and have a shaved head with a large wound/scar and I wear my hat indoors. My friends and family agree that it is better to hide my wound under a hat than to wear bandages that I don’t need and are uncomfortable. It is also, in my opinion, more courteous to protect others from having to view something that will gross out most people. And it’s a matter of my privacy and preference not to have to make my condition public and discuss with everyone. When I wear a hat, people react normally to me. Without a hat, most people are awkward and tend to avoid me. I agree with Johnny D. Other than offending the etiquette police, my wearing a hat indoors does not affect anyone else in any negative way.
I thought I had seen it all…
Then, I attended a Christian funeral where a young man (in his 20’s or 30’s) arose to read the New Testament scripture. There he stood (at the pulpit) with a fedora hat on his head!
The only idiot with a reduced I.Q. by 50 % is the idiot that holds to these old fashioned protocols that wrote this article. I’m offended when I see women wearing pant suits as much as I would seeing a man wearing a dress but these days that’s been pushed aside so don’t tell men where they can wear their hats. signed…outlaw
I recently flew back east because my Mother was in the hospital in critical condition.I was stunned to see my oldest brother wearing this awful huge black cowboy hat ,sitting beside our Mother.Big on proprieties,as he knew,it was totally disrespectful and rude to her and everyone present.He ignored requests to remove it…in cafes,restaurants,my mother’s assisted living residence…AT BREAKFAST TABLE IN THE DINING ROOM!!!!!!.at another brother,s home where we had a sibling conference while LUNCH WAS BEING SERVED BUFFET STYLE BY MY SISTER_IN_LAW!!!in the priest,s office and funeral director,s office!!!!!ignored all requests to remove it.Someone actually got a hold of it and hid it the day of the funeral but it magically appeared on his head at graveside..Dear Lord have mercy.did not bring proper attire and balked at wearing shirt andjacket he was ORDERED to wear.His wife was so uncomfortable poor thing. Myself and 6 other siblings and 65,yes 65 other family members,,spouses nieces nephews their spouses and children were all dressed up,shirt and tie suits ,very comfortable .My Mother taught us well but HIM !!!!!! I am home now and will write to him expressing how I felt and how his behavior is so unpleasant.I will no longer submit myself to his rudeness and cruel,mean comments.I am proud I was able to hold my tongue as it was not the appropriate time….AND he is a one upper,always has to be right and you wrong,never apologizes kind of guy!!! I never want to see him but I adore his new wife of 9 years that I just met this year.I’m in BC and they are in Ontario.
Hey this is skylar
I would like to know if it is ok to wear a hat in the band room my teacher said that its a national band room rule but I’ve never heard of it could u tell me if it is true? Then also there’s this person and she won’t leave me alone and think I look stupid when I wear my hat is there anything I can do about it or not?
Skylar: I am not familiar with the national bank room rules. That said, there are many “rules”/guidelines that are established by individual organizations. What may be acceptable one place may not be someplace else. Example: There are still restaurants that require men to wear a jacket and possibly a tie when in their dining room. Others don’t. We all must comply with the rules of the establishment… especially when in someone’s home.
I say there is one sole exception to wearing a hat indoors and that’s if it’s part of a costume you’re wearing. Sherlock Holmes wouldn’t really work if you don’t have the hat, does it?
Nicholas: Sherlock Holmes only wore his deerstalker hat outdoors, never indoors.
I wear a hat at the table, I wear a hat indoors.
I do not fart at the table, I do not fart indoors……. well, sometimes – but not in the presence of company.
I don’t belch at the table, I do not belch indoors…. well, sometimes – but not in the presence of company.
I don’t pick my nose at the table………… anyways, this is getting old.
you get the idea!
Once a person felt the need to comment about “the fact” I was wearing a hat, even worse a baseball cap (I do not wear them backwards though, not my style) indoors at a restaurant.
I asked the person if they knew me? They said they did not. So I said “so I guess you are not paying for my meal, if you are not – mind your own business”.
What I think would be more rude than wearing a hat indoors at a restaurant would be a very long list!
Oh, and think about wearing a “cap” at a bar in south beach – – has nothing to do with etiquette – – but does have a lot to do about gangs.
So feel all good about “how yo’ momma done’ raised ya”.
So go tell that “person of very low I.Q.” to take that “cap” off. Oh, and why! Hey, and add how you feel about the “cap” thing.
“hmmm in wrong place wrong time – you might find yourself” say’s Yoda.
But hey – you got this!
An interesting subject! I’m now a senior and have been told I’m quite “with-it” and am far from an old fuddy duddy stuck in the past. In the 50’s when I was a teen (and also in the 60’s), women were expected to wear a hat to church and never to wear a strapless dress (or a sundress type of exposure) to church. When my daughter married (in the 90’s) I remember a guest wore a black strapless dress which once was taboo. Men wore fedoras in the 50’s and 60’s and always removed them in elevators, restaurants and when a funeral procession passed by which I thought said as much about the man as the tradition. Womens’ hats were considered part of her outfit and could stay on during a luncheon or at a wedding. If the hat was very large, common decency told her to remove it at performances, such as the theatre, etc. i really don’t know why it’s so hard to follow a few rules! It separates us from the apes and makes the “rule follower” look good and more intelligent! I get that baseball caps and beanies are part of a fashion “thing” nowadays … but still think a person (male or female) looks like a moron when it’s not removed in someone’s house or restaurant.
Speaking of manners, I’d love to see a discussion on table manners …. and would LOVE to see spelling taught in schools again. If I were hiring and saw two resumes in front of me with both equal qualifications, however, one had misspelled words throughout, guess which candidate would be hired?
When hat racks become commonplace again, then hat etiquette can be exercised fully, again! Until then, remember that placing a hat on a seat is considered bad luck. (This may be because forgetful people tend to sit on their $300 hats!) !!!!NEVER PLACE A HAT ON A SEAT!!! In the absence of a hat rack, the only acceptable place to set a hat is on the table, only if there is ROOM to do it! Otherwise, since the establishment isn’t polite enough to provide a proper place to hang your hat, then ALL hat etiquette is thrown out the door, and you MUST wear your hat to protect it from damage!
i can do whatever i want so yahhh
back off
i agree that taking off hats during prayers or pledges but you are stupid for saying people have no IQ if they wear their hat backwards indoors. i find this website disturbing. now that i read this i’m definitly not taking off my hat in resturants or at table, just stupid! plus anyone in their right mind will not find this website good.
I am a veteran of 23 years active duty and I wear my hat all the time! I do because i had surgery and have this ugly scar on the back of my head that gave me a complex.
Not that i want to but there are many reasons why people wear hats indoors. For those who don’t have a medical reason i would not understand why you would not take your hat off most of the time anyways!
I take my cap off when I eat and other reasons out of respect. Also i wear my cap backwards and I have two college degree, so for the idiot or people who think it drops your IQ then God help us all lol! Get real!
As long as people are respectful and not low class, they should be able to wear how they want. Yes its their fashion. I laugh when i read about how people think you should wear your clothes because its the way they were brought up or the way they think.
Maybe most of you should take a sociology class to learn about diversity and how people are different! Its a good thing not bad. People just need to wake up and smell the coffee! Enjoy life and don’t worry so much about other people and stereo typing. People need to worry more about themselves and stop getting offended by other peoples actions. If it offends you then maybe its better to just step off.
So remember when you see a person wearing a baseball cap backwards or indoors, there may be a good reason. So be smart and don’t judge a book by its cover : )
Most people should have common sense about caps, problem is with the younger generation, many where not raises in a normal functional family that would teach them any better. Think about that. The typical divorces family’s in society.
Such an outdated concept.
Who cares… why does it matter?
I say do you want to do regarding wearing a hat. If I want to wear a hat, I’ll wear a hat. No one tells me otherwise. I’ll wear that shit.
You’re an idiot.
I’m a 22 year retired military man who is very tired of seeing men of all ages wearing hats in building . It’s especially disturbing to see a supposably ex military man wearing a hat depicting the branch of service he was in , out eating with the family with it on. If you wern’t brought up properly and told to remove your hat at the dinner table, rest assure the military did . No one except the cooks wore a hat .I recall on base if you walked into a NCO club wearing a hat , you bought everyone in the club a beer . To those supposably proud ex service members who wares a hat at the dinner table , get your heads out of your asses.
Seeing guys wear baseball hats in FORMAL dining rooms makes me want to puke! What the hell is wrong with them? Especially the ones that have their heads on backwards! OH, it’s the stupid baseball cap, it just looks like they’ve got their head on backwards. WTF????
I had a newer friend and an old friend over for an informal dinner last night. The newer one came in with a hoodie on and the hood on also. He kept it on the whole time he was here with the hood on even after I asked him to take it off. It really annoyed me. I should add that hes 23 and I’m 60. Am i justified in feeling the way I do?
Scott: Regardless of age… your house, your rules is my opinion.
Honestly it makes no sense why its disrespectful
its just a hat. now wearing it backwards is understandable but regardless it is just a hat there is no reason to get worked up over something that minute
in japan its not proper to wear outside shoes in the house so as not to track mud or dirt all throughout the house. this “etiquette” is pointless and a waste of energy to get angry over
I find it interesting that so many people read an etiquette column then criticize it in the comments. If you believe that your opinion is all that matters, why are you here? I came here in search of proper hat etiquette in a cemetery. Off always? Off at the gravesite? Off during the prayer, certainly, but you are outside, but want to show proper respect. Thanks for the advice.
For me, it’s not a matter of thinking my opinion is all that matters. And as for why I came here, it was because I wanted to get to the bottom of this societal rule and find out if there was actually anything to it. It was a good faith search to see if I was wrong to think the hats off rule was silly. Unfortunately, articles like this one almost never even attempt to address the why part of the question, as in, why is it not ok to wear hats in a restaurant. Generally these articles are nothing more than personal declarations of annoyance.
Why is it rude to wear a tall hat in a movie theater? Easy! Your tall hat is probably obstructing the view of the person behind you. This is a true breach of societal etiquette and should be addressed. I have never read so much as a line in an article explaining how this is at all analogous to being irritated because someone is wearing a hat in a restaurant. That is because the restaurant situation is an example of a personal annoyance, which we all have. I’m annoyed by selfie sticks, but I don’t dress up my petty annoyances as etiquette and assert with no legitimate explanation that people should follow certain arbitrary rules.
Etiquette which does not back itself up with any credible argument for why it should be followed opens the door for unnecessary societal strife. Fighting over someone wearing a hat in a place where your personal annoyances deem it inappropriate is to fight over a non problem. So I criticize articles such as this because I feel that to perpetuate this phantom problem is socially irresponsible in a very real way. I mean absolutely no disrespect to the author of this article, and actually have to commend her for her willingness to publish comments which criticize her views. Not all people who have sites like this display that bravery.
I would think a man removes his hat while a woman leaves hers on at a gravesite. I may be wrong but that’s the only procedure I ever saw.
Elaine: This could be accurate, because often a woman’s hat may be a “fashion hat,” versus one that was created and intended to shade the sun.
My uncle, whom I’ve only known for 15 years despite the fact that I am in my 50s (and he is in his 60s) (because I was adopted and we only met at that time–and therefore were not raised within the same extended family) always wears his baseball cap or wool cloth cap both indoors and at the dinner table. He wore a baseball cap at Thanksgiving dinner, held at my cousin’s house. I’ve always known the rule to be that men remove their hats indoors, and especially at the dinner table. However, the meals in question have not been in my home. I can only surmise that he does not know the proper etiquette with regard to removal of men’s hats. Should I make him aware, and, if so, how best to approach the issue without offending him? The fact that he wears hats indiscriminately bothers (and sometimes embarrasses) me, but it is not worth ruining our relationship over. Any advice appreciated. Thank you.
Marie: Thank you for the inquiry. You were correct in your summation at the end in not running the risk of ruining your relationship with your Uncle over this matter. How I would handle this if this happened to me is when in the company of family I would let it go. Afterall, I’m sure everyone else sees this same behavior. Perhaps next time when you are standing next to him you see someone else take off their hat, at that exact moment you could quietly say something like: Oh, it’s that nice, see Joe just took off his hat; I’ve heard it is good manners to not wear hats at the dining table, etc. Maybe you might do the same, Uncle??? Otherwise, it would only be when you are with him out in public, at a restaurant, etc., you could quietly and politely “remind” him that when in public the it is good manners to take off your hat while at a dining table, etc. Beyond this, it’s up to you how you wish to handle this matter. If you truly drives you up the wall, as long as you are in a quiet and private place with him alone should you bring this matter up with an understanding it is totally his choice to adhere to your comments or continue doing what he has been doing. Good luck!
Great blog! How does it work with hats at the races, if races start after dark? Are you still supposed to appear in one?
Thanks!
J: The answer to this depends on the hat itself, the weather, and the specific culture and custom of the race you are attending, regardless of the time of day.
I find this to be an interesting topic. At work, we always ask young men to remove their hats, but the question came up recently about what to do with young women who are wearing baseball caps. I am conflicted because I do not feel comfortable asking a female to remove her head regardless of what type of hat she’s wearing. I think it’s a value judgement to consider the hat a woman is wearing as not feminine enough to keep on because it’s a baseball cap, and it is considered a male’s hat or unisex.
I don’t think these hats are necessarily just to protect people’s heads from external weather conditions. I think many of them wear the hat as part of their outfit or as part of their style. Look at the amount of attention some people pay to color coordinating their hat with their outfit.
The “rules” on etiquette are the same, but our society seems to be much more casual than we were in the past, which means many people don’t follow all of those rules. It feels like a waste of time to be angry about what other people do. In my opinion, we have to figure out what we value, and train our children in that fashion. We have no control over strangers in a restaurant, but can make the people we interact with aware of her feelings. But remember, they may feel differently.
How do you “politely” ask a man to remove his hat when the flag is brought in or the national anthem is to begin? The sports announcers ask people to remove their hats, but when someone doesn’t and they are standing right in front of you, should I ignore it and not cause a potential scene? Or do I tap him on the shoulder and say…what? I have brothers-in-law in the military and one of them is going to be deployed again in Feb. 2016. We even stand at home with our hands over our hearts when the national anthem is sung at whatever we are watching. Thank you for your response!
Kim: Obviously what anyone does in the privacy of their own home is unto their choosing. I also acknowledge our country pride in asking everyone to remove their hats during certain national ceremonies. However, in today’s times, we never know who and why a person chooses not to comply with the announcer request. As hard as it is, “we are not our brother’s keeper” as the saying goes and I would not confront the person in fear of who knows what adverse situation it may cause. The most I did once was say to my husband in a loud voice in earshot of offenders, “Gosh, I sure wish I could understand why these people are choosing to be so disrespectful to our national flag and/or anthem?” However, aside from that one time, I’ve never done that again either. here are simply too many unstable people out and about.
Interesting sports sidebar. I play roller derby, which requires a helmet. Before a bout, we often have a warm up time, during which we wear our helmets, of course! Many girls also wear a bandana to absorb sweat and keep it from dripping into the face. However, when we line up for the national anthem, helmets are ALWAYS removed! I have never really followed any other sports, so I don’t know if this is an established rule, but we are classy ladies!
Also, regarding the debate about women wearing hats inside, a hat was often an integral part of a woman’s hairdress, thus removing the hat would destroy the look and that is why women may wear hats in church, in restaurants and other indoor venues. If the hat is not part of the hairdress, it should be removed in accordance with the rules established for men’s hats.
Kat: Thank you for writing. Women’s “fashion” hats are fine to wear indoors. It was designed that way. What I am discussing are “outdoor” style hats, originally designed for outdoor wearing.
It really is quite interesting seeing people try to formulate elaborate reasons why one shouldn’t wear a hat in certain situations when it can easily be explained by saying: “I’m annoyed by that. It’s time for us to stop perpetuating this near superstition as a way to better society. I have witnessed quite a few near fights over people not removing hats during the national anthem at sporting events. It is absolutely ridiculous to suppose that just because one is wearing a hat that he/she harbors disdain for this country. These are fights that would not need to happen if we raised our consciousness to the point where we address wearing hats as a matter of personal annoyance and not unsubstantiated signs of disrespect.
From there, we treat it as we do with other matters of personal annoyance, and the burden of proof is on the person making the demand of ceasing behaviors as to why it needs to be stopped. In other words, if you’re going to tell someone how to behave, you should have a good reason for it.
If one shows up to dinner smelling of horse manure and anchovies, sending them away is easy to explain, as their noxious odor could quickly put an involuntary end to your appetite. If someone shows up to the restaurant with a hat, that’s a personal annoyance not at all analogous with stinking the place up. You could ask them to remove it, but it’s a heavy burden of proof to meet, and you open yourself up to a host of potential annoyances the hat wearer may have with your attire.
I believe many of you are sincere and mean well. Please just realize that telling someone to remove their hat in public is to demand they subscribe to a code of etiquette they may not believe in, and is orders of magnitude more rude and invasive than you being annoyed by what I wear to dinner.
I enjoyed your thoughts. Being a person who is frequently asked to remove a hat indoors which I simply must wear to keep warm, I have come up with a solution which works for me. I simply remove my hat and pull a wig out and put it on. So far no one has asked me to remove it or accused me of violating wig etiquette — but I probably am in some eyes
soo…when did a baseball cap become a hat? I have four sons, who wear them. I’m a little bit “old school” and remember my dad, uncles, grandfathers, etc. wearing “hats”. Baseball caps off the field make a young man look like a reservoir tipped condom…and are not “hats”……just sayen…
Some people may disagree with me … but I noticed baseball caps started becoming a trend around the time “Magnum PI” starring Tom Selleck was on TV. He wore it the usual way – peak at the front. I don’t recall when the front to back became the thing which, by the way, makes a guy look downright ridiculous. Don’t guys these days ever look in a mirror?! lol!
Elaine: I don’t remember Magnum PI ever wearing his baseball cap in someone’s home or other indoor locations.
A very close blood relative of mine was/is aware of the high regards I hold as it comes to etiquette and form. As she was going through a very stormy relational issue, she and her kids were staying with us. The oldest child kept wearing a baseball cap in my home, and with few reminders over time I believed the child got the understanding of “Hats off in the house”.
HOWEVER… after a disagreement on other household concerns, my relative displayed a lack of respect for my authority in my home, and elected to wear a baseball cap inside my home anytime day or night for the last three days, not representing a good example for her children.
Resulting from this and other angles of an outright display of disrespect for my wishes in my home including yelling at us and explaining how awful her living arrangements were and mind you she had no where else to go, we’ve asked her to pack up and leave. She will be leaving Saturday and I couldn’t be more relieved.
I would love an answer to my question of June 3
Tim: Please forgive the oversight in not answering your original question from June 3, stating: “i am one of those few people that have to keep my head warm at all times. What type of hat would you recommend for me to wear indoors with my Tux?” I think the best solution is to consult a milliner who can design and make an appropriate hat to wear with your tuxedo and many other styles of clothing you may have. You are not alone in being a person who must keep their head warm and/or covered. The main issue is “not what you do, but how you do it” that will make what you wear, when appropriate, or not. Good luck!
Thank you for your reply. I did consult a milliner, and they told me that anything less than a Homburg would be in-appropriate with a tux –even indoors. So I guess I am back to square one offending some but staying healthy.
Our golf club is considering changing our dress code to allow hats (baseball style & visors, included) to be worn in one of our dining lounge. Your article that I’m choosing to quote in opposition to this change was written in 2010. Is your position still the same; specifically, the red type portion which includes “No man or woman, young or old, should ever, ever, ever, ever wear a sports hat — especially a baseball cap—indoors. Not in restaurants, in someone’s home, at the dining table, …” ?
Penny: What you are asking is about setting policy for an “entity” that has full right to choose how they want to promote their business. No different than a restaurant having the right to set the wearing of a jacket and tie to dine at their restaurant, your club has the right to set policy on wearing hats. It’s all about how nice or casual you want your guests to be surrounded. My article was focused on how individuals should behave, not entities. Whether your Club allows hats indoors or not, my recommendation to an individual will always remain the same… take off your hat indoors. Last, if you have more than one dining room, then perhaps you can allow hats worn in one and not the other. I know a private business club in Los Angeles has a no jeans policy… no jeans in the main dining room; however, jeans are fine in the cafe/pub. Personally, I think no hats in either location.
It is my suspicion that men had to remove their hats before ladies to expose how bald he is. Did a rich lady come up with this stuff? You know, there is nothing so ugly as the wet sweaty mottled stuff under a hat on a sunny day. Keep it on please, I don’t need to see that.
As a gentleman, I prefer to follow the traditional practices outlined in this article I think we’re becoming too informal (lax) as a society and disrespectful of others,
The article doesn’t give a reason? Please can you explain why it is disrespectful to wear a cap indoors? What if you feel cold? Research shows that we loss most of the body heat through our heads. Getting offend for what someone else’s is wearing is silly! Have given it a taught as to why they are wearing a cap. Have some compassion and don’t make others suffer in cold with out a good reason. Etiquette should not be an excuse to make others uncomfortable and suffer in cold. How is it hurting you if someone wears a cap indoors? What if they are feeling cold or want to block out extra light hurting sensitive eyes?
Bob: While times have changed in many areas, when it comes to wearing outdoor hats indoors, this comes from a long history. Hats in general are meant for outdoor wearing to shade your head and eyes from the sun and keep you warm in the winter. It then became “etiquette” not to wear them indoors, because indoors is warmer than outdoors, plus the purpose of wearing them in the first place is not needed… being warmer and without sun. If a person is prone to sickness due to being cold from not having their head covered, I suggest purchasing an indoor hat (men or women) can wear more appropriately indoors. I’ve seen more and more of such hats available in stores and online. Actually, I know someone who wears a fedora hat outdoors and when indoors he switches to a cap he carries in his pocket for indoor wearing. Also, I know someone else who is sensitive to light who has tinted-lens glasses he wears indoors which only turns them as dark as needed. He doesn’t normally wear glasses nor wears his hat indoors. So, it’s not about hurting anyone by wearing an outdoor hat indoors. It merely shows the lack of care, laziness, and perhaps lack of education when a person sees such behavior. It’s all about being courteous, respectful, and caring about the environment you are in.
Syndi Seid: I don’t think your taking off an outdoor garment indoors makes a lot of sense. In the winter I wear a jacket when I am outside. If I leave it on while I am inside no one freaks out. I might get asked if I am cold, but no one would be offended or ask me to take it off. If I always left my jacket on at the office I think people would think I am odd, but I doubt they would think I am rude. What about shoes? I wear shoes, boots, in the winter to keep my feet warm and dry. No one gets up set over my leaving my boots on at the office. Now they might get a bit upset if I took them off.
From what I can see the idea of needing to take a hat off has nothing to do with indoor/outdoor garments or any thing logical. It is just a very very old tradition that some insist on keeping and others are saying it is time to come into the 21 century.
Where do you or anyone find the energy to care about this? Like a year ago I’d probably agree with you but honestly since practising tolerance to everyone just generally and with these kind of things, you’d be surprised how much of a load off it is. However in terms of religious and patriotic respect etc. I still agree. Just lay off cinemas, restaurants, classrooms etc. it’s a waste of time
i am one of those few people that have to keep my head warm at all times. What type of hat would you recommend for me to wear indoors with my Tux?
Regarding the wearing of a hat. I see young people being very casual about wearing a ball cap indoors these days. Coming from a agriculture background, there are differences between ball cap types and a cowboy hat. Can you provide some insight on this. A cowboy hat I was told has more to do with a dress style and can be worn more than the ball cap.
Jeff: We must first remember for what purpose any hat was designed and its intended use. A ball cap was to shade the sun and likewise a cowboy hat. As in all cowboy depictions we’ve seen, men removed their hat whenever indoors, while eating at a dining table, and whenever in the presence of a woman of any age. Cowboy hats were also part of fashion and various types of hats were work for work and dress up. Sports caps have primarily one purpose and were not intended for indoor wearing.
nothing worse than arbitrary rules from more than 200 years ago, that are rooted in a dead civilization’s ideas about what was “proper” and “improper” according to misogynistic and patriarchal and patrimonial gender and societal roles and rules. hats were (and still are) a practical head covering for numerous uses, and arbitrary rules that say when a person should or should not do something without regard to the practicality of use of the article in question. bad hair day is as perfectly legitimate reason for wearing a hat (indoors or out) as sun and rain are. if you are offended by someone not taking their hat off when you THINK they should then the problem is yours not theirs.
Etiquette could be considered arbitrary; after all, what’s appropriate in one country may not be in another. It is established by society. However, they are meant to guide its people toward living in a civil society. There are many cultures where wearing hats in a place of worship requires a person to either wear or not wear a hat while inside. So it’s all about respect and caring more about others and their customs than being self-centered. My deepest opinion is everyone does have the right to be themselves; however in so doing, then others should have the right to say you are or are not acceptable in their home, place of worship, or place of business if you do choose to wear a hat. Our articles are simply meant to help our readers be aware of certain guidelines so you will have the ability to make an informed choice and when the choice is to be yourself, that’s equally fine; however, at least then you’ll know why you are being asked to leave. If everyone “did their own thing” society would be in chaos with very few people being able to get along well.
You couldn’t have stated it any better or more clearly.
I know this post is old, but I happened to stumble across it. I agree with everything said, other than the military wearing hats at all times when in full dress. I’m a veteran (U.S. Army Nov 1997-2012) and there are exceptions to the rule. When in a dress uniform, and wearing a bow tie after 1800 hrs, “head gear” is not required.
J.Logue: Thank you for your post. Your point of wearing a bow tie after 1800 hours is correct which means you are in evening formal attire, not in “uniform.” This is the distinction I was trying to make.
It should be a preference!!! Hat wearing should not suggest any kind of disrespect for anything. Come on people, get with the times.
Sheila: I do not object to the wearing of hats. I wear hats to shade the sun when outdoors which most doctors today recommend a person doing. I also wear fashion hats indoors to various events. Beyond this the “advanced etiquette” is being aware of when and where else a hat is to be worn or not, as a sign of your level of education, respect and courtesy.
Yep. This is the dumbest article I’ve had the displeasure of reading in years. The comments are worse. This isn’t the days of top hats and derbys. People couldn’t get more sappy if they tried.
I am SO glad to find this site. I drive a school bus and for years I have told the kids that they need to wear their hats correctly. It started when someone was acting gang style. The boys, especially, want to wear it backwards. I insist they put it on correctly. I am now having major problems with some students because they think i am picking on them. I get no help from the administration with this issue. I am going to print your etiquette of hat wearing. I have decided on my own that NO hats will be allowed on heads for the remainder of the year (3 weeks). It may continue until i retire lol. Thanks again
Bonnie: Good luck! Let me know how it turns out… in terms of kids and administration revolting.
I read, in some of the comments posted, that people (traditionally men) should remove their hats when dining out. However, there is no mention of where they should put their hats except that they should not be on the table. We will be travelling soon to a warm destination where we are requiring our 40 some children (male and female) to wear hats to certain venues. When they remove their hats, where should they be stored while they eat their meals?
Dee: Thank you for the inquiry. I understand the importance of wearing hats outdoors to shade your face from the sun. I do this myself. Admittedly, when indoors and perhaps at a restaurant, it isn’t always easy to know where to place your hat. Among the choices include: A nearby hat/coat rack; an empty chair at your table; under your chair; or perhaps having it checked or handed to the waiter to keep safely. I don’t recommend placing it dangling over the back of their chair, because it could be easily knocked down and/or stolen. As a group it may be easy to ask for an empty chair on which everyone will place their hats. Good luck!
My daughter and her fiance came for dinner. He thinks he looks cool with his hat on and did not take it off when he came in our home. I said “you’re going to be a member of the family, so you better get used to taking your hat off in the house. It’s the way I was brought up and I find it rude when men leave their hats on.” He did so, but I could tell by the look in his eye he didn’t like it. My daughter later told me he complained about having to take his hat off and asked “what other rules” was her highly critical mother going to throw at him. He’s barely been civil to me since.
Louise: Thank you for writing. It will be interesting to see how time will tell how your daughter continues to think about his true character. Good luck!
Please advise: I am in my 50’s, as is my sister. Our nephew is getting married in June, on the east coast, a very formal affair. She suggests we wear hats, an idea I embraced until I learned the ceremony is at 7:00 pm. I would be grateful for your guidance. Joyce
Joyce: Grant you it is not historically the custom for men and women to wear hats to evening events. That said without knowing more about the actual event, all events these days—weddings or otherwise—can have their own guidelines for whatever attire, etc. the hosts want.
Hi Syndi, hope you are well.
Someone printed off this article and left it on my desk today, assumedly because I was wearing a hat.
I wear a beanie hat most Fridays because I want to (It’s my head, so I feel it’s my choice), but today I wore a chinese style cap.
Do you think they are just being racist, or do beanie hats not have etiquette rules attached to them?
I wondered briefly if whoever it was had suffered a head injury and/or minor breakdown prior to the event but no-one was talking about it and that kind of thing would probably cause a commotion. After all, our office is fairly open plan so it would be difficult to hide the collapse of one’s own mind.
I’m not sure how I should proceed, and that’s why I’m writing to you. I’m thinking I should basically not change in any way.
Please advise x
Lee: Wearing a beanie hat indoors and in an office environment has become much more flexible in today’s workplace, especially in open environments with high ceilings, with room temperatures often being a bit colder. There are all types of beanies being created for various situations, including people with cancer who wear fashioned beanies to hide their baldness and other types of hats to wear indoors for various reasons. I’ve seen many offices that would and would not allow such attire. This must be an office by office situation, based on the type of business you have, the types of clients you serve, and what the owners want as their overall brand and “image” of the company in terms of a “dress code.” My best suggestion is to take this discussion up with your supervisor or owner of the company to best determine how you are to proceed from now own. Apparently someone in your office thinks wearing hats of any kind indoors are not appropriate. Good luck!
It is 2015. Wearing hats anywhere is perfectly fine. If you’re at a church or funeral or somewhere respect is being given, a fedora is a good substitute.
Why should somebody thinning be persecuted for wanting to avoid embarrassment? They shouldn’t.
The idea of gays needed to be taken off inside is so outdated and old fashioned, it is ridiculous.
Get with the times.
Regrettably, many years ago I started losing my hair and ended up getting a hairpiece. Personally I wish I could go back and shave my head but now I feel I am stuck in the decision. My wife thinks I will shock too many people if I appeared bald one day, and thinks it would be more awkward for me to do that right now.
I am so self conscious of my hair piece, even if it is a higher quality one, that I wear my hat all the time and only do not wear a hat while at work, or at a very formal occasion. I feel if I do not have a hat on everyone is looking at me and judging me. I feel the hat hides my hair and makes me less uncomfortable. I will even avoid certain social situations if I know I can not wear my hat.
I get really annoyed when people make hat comments. I know I wear it all the time and I know the etiquette, I don’t need to be reminded of it by some comments of other people while I am out. I hope the people on here that get really offended at the hat wearing crowd understand and see that some people wear a hat for good reasons. Which is probably a good percentage of the hat wearing crowd.
for example: Chemo, Bad Hair transplant, Alopecia, Burns, phobias.
Reg: Thank you for writing. I have a good friend since childhood that was prematurely bald and wore a hair piece for decades. Then one day he choose to be bald. Sure we all made comments at first (all good because he was so much more handsome bald); and now it’s over 10 years since the change and no one thinks of it… especially all his new friends who never knew otherwise. He truly looks much better and you can tell he feels much better. In in this instance, do not think about what anyone will think or say during the transition period. There is nothing wrong with being bald in today’s society. If you continue to prefer wearing some form of “head covering” (not exactly a hat) there are lots of appropriate items you can wear 24/7. The reason you are continuing to receive comments is because people think you are not t aware of appropriate behavior by your obvious actions. Good luck!
why is this rude? who cares! How is wearing a hat going to change my faith, how i function or change who i am? explain that to me? it’s only rude because someone down the line dictated to society that it’s rude…it’s foolish. if someone wants to wear a hat, regardless of whether it’s inside or out, at the dinner table or in a restaurat…wear the hat! This “social norm” is ridiculous and pointless. It doesn’t tear you away any further from God, it doesn’t change your attitude or personality that “magically” makes you rude! If i wear a hat indoors…how does it affect anyone around me? simple answer, it doesn’t affect anyone. It only affects people if they let it bother them…and it shouldn’t because it doesn’t change the person who is wearing it. It is one of the most foolish social norms to date and people need to get over their insecurities.
A few years ago I attended a Jewish Friday night service. Before going I asked if I should wear a head covering and was told “No, this a reform congregation and it is not needed”. I was the only uncovered male and I believe no one in the congregation carried. I carried, and would never again attend a Jewish service uncovered. It’s just a show of respect for others.